Thursday, February 23, 2006

Sample three tracks from My Flame Burns Blue

Just a reminder that Elvis Costello's new live album, My Flame Burns Blue, releases next Tuesday. And, as luck would have it, The Elvis Costello Home Page has full-length audio streams of three of the album's songs-- "Almost Blue," "Watching the Detectives," and "God Give Me Strength."

Gosh, who knew "Watching the Detectives" could ever be such a swingin' good time? Can't wait for Tuesday!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Smark Rant for the Cartoon Royal Rumble

Homer Simpson is #1 and Peter Griffin is #2. Smart way to start this overbloated Rumble. Peter and Homer start throwing punches at each other like this is some sort of chicken fight. Buford Van Stomm is #3, because you know, 80 people. He brings a hockey stick with him to the ring and beats the crap out of Homer and Peter with it poorly. So Buford goes to the outside and finds a hockey puck, because why not? But Peter counters with a boot to the face and he's gone a few seconds later. Yeah, I wouldn't want to go through that again either. Beavis is #4, drinking coffee on the way to the ring. Once inside, he does his Cornholio routine. Peter (of course) low blows him and he gets tossed by the "FOX" dads seconds later. Geoff (one of the many Total Drama clowns in this thing) is #5 as he comes in through the crowd and he jumps both of them at the same time. He actually dominates both guys with some of the saddest looking attacks I've seen. Geoff then makes the stupid mistake of going to the top with a steel chair and that goes as well as you would expect.

Plucky Duck is #6, but he does Hulk Hogan like poses like an idiot and gets pummeled and tossed by the other 3. Who didn't see that coming? Plucky throws a fit and tries to go back in, but is restrained by the usual gang of idiots. Back in the ring, Geoff and Homer form an odd alliance and double teams Peter. Another one of those Survivor wannabes comes in at #7 wearing Charger like gear. Lighting? Thunder? Whatever. Couldn't tell the difference between one Survivor contestant (or in this case, animated Survivor) from another. He saves Peter for god knows whatever reason. Peter manages to get a hold of a Singapore Cane after almost getting eliminated and he goes to town on everybody! Jonesy Garcia is #8 as if having the shitty commentator who has been annoying the fuck out of me was an indication that there are TOO MANY bodies in this match! Peter destroys him as soon as he enters the ring. On the bright side, at least Jonesy's name isn't Santino Marella. Peter Griffin then gets dumped shortly after by the "Survivor" freaks. Jonesy Garcia continues to piss me off with his shit behavior. Hopefully, somebody like Doc Terror will show up and back the dipshit off a cliff. One can only hope. The Muscle Man is #9 and he goes wild on everybody until the "Survivor" clowns slow his momentum down. SpongeBob SquarePants is #10.

He apparently learned his moves from Cody Rhodes according to that "Big Brother" wannabe. Muscle Man gets eliminated by one of those "Survivor" twerps, speaking of wannabes. Powerpuff Girl Bubbles is #11 and J.R. calls her a "he". Kinda reminds me of the time J.R. mentioned something about a Rangers/Canadiens Stanley Cup finals despite the fact both teams have been interdivisional rivals since 1981. Homer manages to toss Spongebob, but he saves himself by grabbing the ropes. So Bubbles dropkicks him...onto the barricade. Spongebob (of course) leaps back into the match. Timmy Turner is #12. Accompanied to the ring by his very pregnant mom of course. Twilight Sparkle is #13 as we get some star power here. The "Survivor" clods are her personal punching, er kicking bags tonight as the crowd chants Yes! Spongebob decides to have a piece of Sparkle, but she kicks his ass and dumps him shortly after that much to the dismay of clean freaks everywhere.

2:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dan of Dan Vs. is #14 and he's pissed! Shocker. He brings a steel chair to the ring and starts beating everyone with it. Bubbles counters, but Dan rebounds and dumps her. Bubbles walks back depressed. Hey, I'd be depressed if I was in a Rumble that also had Shion Sonozaki and Brock Samson in it too! Meanwhile, Homer Simpson is getting dominated while Dan manages to break Turner's teeth. If only he would do the same to Kevin Dunn. Heath Burns is #15 because this Rumble just needed Monster High representation! Who's Sabrina the Teenage Witch? Apparently, Jonesy Garcia hates Heath for jealousy reasons, but I doubt a feud like that would draw when compared to Marok (and his stupid toy cowboys and indians armed with laser rifles) vs. That Other Guy From Wham!. Oh boy, more Monster High madness with Abbey Bominable at #16. I can't believe that these Monster High folks are more well known than the Mini-Monsters! She (of course) teams up with Heath and the two of them decides to dump one of those Total Drama guys from the match. Mr. Turner is #17 because, you know, 80 people. His pregnant wife is nowhere to be seen, unlike earlier when she was accompaning their son earlier. Hmmmm... Thankfully, Dan clothesline him out as soon as he entered the ring.

George Liquor, American! is #18. He goes out there and dominates anything that moves. May I remind you this is the same guy that got his arms destroyed by Shion Sonozaki months ago and all of a sudden this guy is a threat? Yeah, right. Oh yeah, Timmy Turner got eliminated during all this ranting. Phineas Flynn is #19 accompanied to the ring by his mother Linda who also happens to be pregnant. Two pregnant moms at this show? Have they been hanging around Ed Powers or something? Some idiot in the audience throws a flashlight to Dan and he uses it to blind Homer and George, but can't eliminate them. Brock Samson is #20 as we finally get some star power to clear out the deadwood. Liquor? Gone. Simpson? Gone. Sadly, there's still more deadwood to be cleared out. Edd is #21 and he wants no part of this match. Brock uses his deadly glare to cause Edd to eliminate himself. He is the most twinkish of the three after all. I'm sure the other two Ed's will fare better...assuming there are no big name superstars to contend with when they come out that is.

Dan's sidekick, Chris comes through the crowd at #22 as apparently, he was the idiot who threw the flashlight to Dan (according to Jonesy). Well, he's not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. But hey, why are we wasting a spot on him instead of having his wife Elise? She can clear out some deadwood more than he can. Only notable thing is that Brock Samson continues to kick ass, but can't get another elimination going. Spectra Vondergeist is #23 as she comes from underneath the ring, sneaks up on Chris and tosses him to decent pop. Waste of a spot. Elise would have not gotten squashed like that if she was in it. Spectra actually manages to nail Brock with a roundhouse kick to the back of the head, but Brock recovers and takes it out on her friends. Just what this Rumble needed, another Total Drama entrant. In this case, it's a guy named Sam. How hard would it have been to get Matt Trakker into this Rumble? Or even Dan's ex, Hortence?! Jonesy Garcia's bitching of Monster High is really getting on my nerves. Where's New Jack and Red Son Superman when we need them? Spike the dragon is #25. Really, we're gonna waste a slot on him?!! This ring is filling up with too much deadwood. Sam tries to eliminate Twilight Sparkle, but Phineas sneaks up from behind and dumps him instead, thankfully. But there is still too many people in there.

2:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stewie Griffin is #26. Normally I wouldn't hold my breath with a baby, but with Stewie's star power, I think we're gonna see some deadwood clearing. Sadly, he does nothing of note so far. Sunset Shimmer is #27. Not familar with this pony, but maybe she can, pardon the pun, thin the herd. She throws a garbage can at Dan, which allows Geoff to toss him. How embarrasing for Dan to be eliminated by one of those TOTAL DRAMA clowns! Dan is pissed and he wants to start a feud with Geoff. Can't blame him. More pony action as The Great And Powerful Trixie is #28 and now we have a three way My Little Pony dance much to the delight (or sadness depending if they wanted them to fight later instead of right now) of bronies everywhere. Speaking of My Little Pony, Spike the dragon gives Brock a chop. That goes as well as you might expect. R.I.P. Spike, we hardly knew ye. In a change of pace, we got a male My Little Pony coming in at #29, Flash Sentry the pegasus and he decides to eliminate fellow pony Trixie from the match. Why not, it's every person or should I say, every pony for themselves! Phineas Flynn is giving Abbey Bominable stinger splashes when suddenly, Abbey remembers that Phineas is still in this match and counters it to eliminate him. At least Phineas still has his mother to go back to.

I’ve got some good news: Uncle Ruckus is #30. The bad news: There’s still 50 more entries to come! Odd choice, for a Boondocks entry and as expected, he manages to piss EVERYONE off! Time of Uncle Ruckus's participation in the match: 50 seconds. Frankie Stein is #31 as Monster Mania...err sorry, wrong show. I meant to say Monster High mania continues! Frankie unleashes the Lou Thesz press on Shimmer and then starts unleashing dropkicks on Twilight. Twilight does a clothsline, but Frankie counters with a neckbreaker. Stewie tries a Sleeper Hold on Brock and that goes as well as having Victoria Jackson as a motivational speaker in North Korea. Brock eliminates Stewie easily as Monty Monogram is #32. Zzzzzz.... Butt-Head is #33 as we really need to clear out some of this deadwood. Thankfully, Twilight low blows Butt-Head and he's gone after just 19 seconds. Brock unleashes the pain on Snoreogram until Frankie whacks Brock with a chair. Jeez...just let Brock clear out some deadwood already!

2:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Randy Marsh comes in at #34 and he grabs a Singapore Cane from the garbage can and starts beating people with it. One unfortunate soul is more fucked up than the Baltimore Orioles being down 30-3 to the Texas Rangers in the bottom of the 9th with 2 outs. And so, Twilight puts the poor soul known as Sunset Shimmer out of her misery. I guess the My Little Ponies aren't as unified as I thought if they are already going at each others throats this early. Meanwhile, Jonesy Garcia is pissing off J.R. at the announce table. If there is a god, someone will put that Garcia ass in a coma. Speaking of asses, more Total Drama stupidity as Duncan is #35 and he wrestles the Singapore Cane away from Randy and uses it on him, but Frankie and Abbey makes him eat a double superkick shortly after that. Abbey then makes the big mistake of trusting Frankie and she's gone from the match. I guess Monster High isn't unified either. Abbey gets on my good side by threatening Jonesy Garcia. Hey, I'd pay top dollar to see Abbey keep to that promise of her threat. Buster Bunny is #36 and he's got the Fūenken Sword he won from Sol Badguy in that brutal Hell In A Cell match a couple of months ago. Sadly, he's forced to leave it at ringside thanks to that stupid Powers Are Banned bullshit! Randy Marsh is actually close to eliminating Brock, but Duncan dropkicks Randy into him and Brock eliminates Randy easily. After that, Brock is attacked by the parade of jobbers who think they are hot shit but are not and eliminate him to the shock of everyone! What the fuck?!! I actually had Brock pegged to win this thing. And with his elimination the winner is now becoming obvious. And yes, I know Freakazoid!, Thundarr The Barbarian and Karate Kat are still in this thing, but even I doubt they are gonna take down a serial killer who once tied a cute little blonde girl to a cross and stabbed her arms repeatedly before stabbing her in a fatal spot. Carl Brutananadilewski, fresh off from saving the world from Mildrath, who he fought alongside his wife Gwen wait, I think it was Mary-Jane Watson...or was it The Black Cat? No matter, Carl saved the world with his wife and their kids is entering at #37. Heath Burns however, throws a fireball in Carl's face blinding him.

2:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Vanessa Doofenshmirtz is #38 and she takes advantage of Carl's blindness and dumps him. Dan comes back out and beats up Buster Bunny. I did not know that Dan was a Sol Badguy fan. Oh wait, that makes sense. Sadly, Heath, Monty and Flash gets rid of Dan instead of Dan eliminating "them" as this match continues to drag. Jackson Jekyll is #39 and he's got a boombox with him. So Buster greets him with a superkick. Spectra hops off of Frankie's back in order to take out Geoff, but Geoff catches her and tosses her from the match. After stunning Jekyll with a superkick, Buster makes the stupid mistake of going after Sentry with a 10-punch salute instead of continuing to put pressure on Jekyll, allowing Jekyll to shove him over the top. Next time, Buster should use Sol Badguy's sword in the match even if he has to knock out the refs first! Milhouse Van Houten is #40...and we're only half way through this overbloated borefest! Dan comes back out again (sooner than I expected) and assaults Milhouse. Milhouse gets tossed of course. The Ice King is #41. Hmmmm... Well, this should be interesting. Hopefully, #42 will be an inferno based entrant. Ice King unleashes chops on Doofenshmirtz and Monty (why in the hell is this loser still in the match?!!). Dan comes out again. We get it! Either have him clear deadwood or don't bother! Duncan gives Dan a wedgie and throws him out. The idiot bookers should have Dan come back a second time 30 minutes LATER in the match and clear some deadwood instead of just a few minutes later after the first run-in TWICE with no eliminations! Off-topic: Does anybody miss the horn they used for most of the 1990's Royal Rumbles (last one to have it was the Anaheim one in 1999) instead of that irritating as fuck buzzer they've been using since 2001? I do.

Jude Lizowski is #42. So instead of following The Ice King with a pyromaniac, we get another one of those faggy 6Teen queers instead?!!! And boy, Jude is probably the faggiest looking participant yet! Speaking of The Ice King, he makes the big mistake of giving an airplane spin to Duncan and the dizziness causes The Ice King to accidently eliminate himself from the match. I should remind you that The Ice King isn't exactly what I call deadwood. Frankie uses Jackson's boombox to turn him into a Hyde (who didn't see that coming a mile away?) and Hyde proceeds to beat two losers that Superman can take with his bare hands under a red sun! Hunter Huntsman is #43 and he's even more faggier looking than Lizowski. Doofenshmirtz actually no sells a DDT by Sparkle and then tosses her over the top. Sparkle also wasn't deadwood either, just to remind you. Lizowski and Hyde tries to do a double superplex on Monty, but Huntsman and Burns powerbombs Lizowski and Hyde (while those two were still holding up Monty) at the same time knocking out all of them. Heather is #44. Because this Rumble just needed FEMALE Total Drama contestants too! She takes advantage of an unconscious Lizowski and tosses him. In typical Total Drama stupidity, Duncan blows kisses to brain dead sheep at ringside allowing Huntsman to eliminate him with a dropkick. Good riddance, I hope this Duncan runs into Chris Benoit in a dark alley! Geoff tries an F5 on Hyde, but Hyde counters with a tornado DDT. Hopefully, Hyde dumps him as Geoff has been in this match way too long.

2:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alejandro Burromuerto of Total Drama is #45 and he has a last name unlike all the other losers from that show. Of course, he's pretty appealing if your name is Barry Manilow (or Samantha Fox in Heather's case) as par the course with Total Drama. Burromuerto rips his shirt off and (I'm not making this up) Doofenshmirtz & Frankie gets "mesmerized" and eliminates themselves from the match! Hey, I thought powers were banned in this match! Who booked this shit? Vince Russo? Hopefully, the later entries take advantage of the refs allowing this bullshit and pull out as much as they need with their powers. Monogram and Hyde both superkick Burromuerto into Heather as Jorgen Von Strangle is #46. Yeah, let's have a Guile ripoff in this match instead of, I don't know, THE REAL DEAL (remember Street Fighter has had plenty of cartoon shows over the years)! Von Strangle was so "impressive" that he got laid to waste by RUSS McCULLOUGH one time and never got that win back! He tosses Jackson Jekyll from this match. Yeah, right. Von Strangle better hope that Russ McCullough doesn't have his own cartoon series or he could be in big trouble! Razor of the Swat Kats is #47. Boo-ya! Now we got some major serious star power here! Razor nails a hurricanrana on the Guile wannabe! Then kicks the crap out of Huntsman and Burns! Yeah! But that bastard Geoff catches him and gives him a sloppy F5! Wouldn't mind seeing Brock Lesnar run in and break both of Geoff's arms at this point! Just what this Rumble needs, another vain Total Drama faggot at #48. This one's called Justin and some people thinks he's the odds on favorite to win this Rumble. All I have to say is, Shion Sonozaki has yet to come out, have fun with that when she shows up! In any case, Justin eliminates the Guile wannabe from this match. Justin then tosses Burns, but Von Strangle catches him and drops him on a barricade like an idiot, and of course Burns manages to get back in.

Glenn Quagmire is #49 and he's got some good star power. Giggity Giggity Goo! Burromuerto and Justin continue their gay off while Quagmire makes the big mistake of hitting on Heather which allows Burromuerto to jump him and toss him. Yeah, I think Joe Swanson or even Mort Goldman would be better for this match. Slappy Squirrel is #50 as the star power fail to clear the deadwood as Slappy starts smacking anything with her purse, but fails to eliminate anyone so far. Instead Justin (poster boy for the gay community) gets rid of that loser Monogram (finally) and Sentry. Dan suddenly returns again as this joke is just getting beaten in the ground. Someone named Ashlynn Ella chases Dan to the back. Apparently, she is sleeping with that Hunter Huntsman fellow that Dan was assaulting. Sheesh! They couldn't get ELISE to stop Dan's rampage?!! But hey, let's bring Hunter's jobber girlfriend who got fucked up pretty badly by HEIDI MANTON of all people months ago to chase Dan off instead! T-Bone is #51 and he & Razor show everyone why they are superstars...but once again fail to clear the deadwood. Hopefully, Karate Kat comes out soon to thin out all the bodies that have overstayed their welcome.

Hey, it's Rainbow Dash at #52. She could clear some guys out, but instead she goes after the Swat Kats and has trouble trying to eliminate them as expected (sigh). Corey Riffin from some show that few people know is #53. And he eliminates Slappy Squirrel, who most definitely wasn't deadwood like he is! Riley Freeman is #54, but he gets eliminated by that piece of shit Alejandro Burromuerto very quickly as this match is just slogging now.

2:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(Invisi Billy) is #55. Rainbow Dash gets rid of Riffin. Billy finally eliminates Geoff after a 50:48 minute performance. The ring is still filled up with too much deadwood however. Mordecai (Regular Show) is #56 and adds nothing. Applejack (My Little Pony) is #57, match still drags. Buttercup (Powerpuff Girls) is #58 and she tosses Applejack, but there’s about 10 people in there and nothing’s going on. The General (Galaxy Rangers) makes his return at #59, which must indicate how many boxes of Ultimate Cheeseburgers he ate that morning, because he’s still pretty goddamned fat and slow. Remind me not to look up Death Battle for any weight-training solutions. He disposes of Buttercup and Billy, then hands out chokeslams like candy. Burromuerto! Burns! Mordecai! Huntsman! Justin! Heather! T-Bone! Razor! Dash…no wait, Dash in fact blocks it and dumps The General.

Bart Simpson (The Simpsons) is #60, as The General goes after Jonesy Garcia and chokeslams him through the table. Oh, GOODIE, now we don't have to listen to that douchebag for the rest of the night. Hey look, Jesse Ventura is taking over for the injured Garcia at the announce table. There is a god! Everyone suddenly gets smart and goes after the Swat Kats, to no avail. Karate Kat (Karate Kat) is #61, and thank god because maybe he’ll thin out all the extra bodies. Burns, Burromuerto, Bart, Justin, Huntsman, Dash, Heather and Mordecai all exit stage left, leaving the Megakat trio alone to compare fur-care notes. Chris McLean (Total Drama) has the misfortune of being #62, and he dies without putting up much of a fuss. The crowd eats it up. Eddy (Ed, Edd & Eddy) is #63, and there he goes out the other side. Fans chant for Karate and the Swat Kats as they wait for the next victim. It’s Sliced Ice (Skysurfer Strikeforce) at #64, and she’s out on her butt, man, about that many seconds later. Katie Ka-Boom (Animaniacs) is #65, but not for long.

Karate is feeling very confident at this point, and HERE’S Freakazoid! (Freakazoid!) at #66 to pay this off. And yes, Freakazoid! kicks the bejeezus out of them and rids us of T-Bone and Razor at one time. Karate is alone and tries a Time For Bed, but Freakazoid! clotheslines him down and both guys are out. Sharon Marsh (South Park) is #67, and I’m not liking her chances here. An irritated Karate Kat kicks her down and goes after Freakazoid!, but gets tossed to the floor to end his night. Huey Freeman (Boondocks) is #68. He holds his own until Master Shake (Aqua Teen Hunger Force) comes in at #69. Shake goes after Freakazoid!. Julia (Cowboy Bebop) and the skin tight black leather pants suit from heaven is #70. Marsh falls through the ropes onto the outside in pain after a vicious double team by Freeman and Shake. Benson (Regular Show) is #71. Slow period as people wander around waiting for the next booking period to kick in. Ed (Ed, Edd & Eddy) is in at #72.

2:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Karate Kat runs in and goes after Freakazoid! in a really poor show of sportsmanship, fights off a few guys, and distracts Freakazoid! long enough for Ed to toss him to start a feud that didn't actually go anywhere. The talent pool is really getting thin. Thundarr (Thundarr The Barbarian) is in at #73 to clear out the deadwood. Benson? Gone. Shake? Back to Jersey. Lois Griffin (Family Guy) is #74, and both she and Julia's leather pants get dumped right away by Freeman. Freeman? Gone. Ed? Gone. Marsh is still passed out on the outside and is probably the next target, when suddenly (as suddenly as he moves), Metal Shark Player plods down and stares down Thundarr. They fight and Thundarr goes over the top to the shock of the crowd. Sailor Moon (Sailor Moon) is #75 and is smart enough to stay back. Louise Belcher (Bob's Burgers) is #76 and she too is smart enough to stay back.

Finally, MSP leaves and the legal people are Belcher, Moon and Marsh. Ferb Fletcher (Phineas & Ferb) is #77 and with the lack of interesting talent the winner is becoming rapidly apparent. Shion Sonozaki (Higurashi When They Cry) is #78 and you can almost sense the fear from her sinister laughing as she stabs Sailor Moon's arms repeatedly and tosses her. Blossom (Powerpuff Girls) is #79 and unless Batman is behind that curtain, the crowd knows Shion's taking it. Kitty Katswell (T.U.F.F. Puppy) is #80. That leaves Marsh, Shion, Fletcher, Belcher, Katswell and Blossom as the last six people. Shion dropkicks Fletcher out and Katswell gets dumped by Blossom. Marsh makes the stupid mistake of charging Shion and goes flying. HUGE heel reaction for that one. Belcher puts Blossom out and then Shion quickly superkicks Belcher to win the Royal Rumble. The entire sequence from Katswell's entrance to the ending took all of a minute and a half. Belcher is not happy with the decision. **1/2 Bad Rumble match.

The Bottom Line: The UCF produced two HUGE stinkeroos with this show and King of the Ring, and it’s not hard to see why – wrong people getting pushed, moronic storylines, boring matches, and completely unbelievable (as in NOT BELIEVABLE) twists in the storyline in order to produce “shock TV” and keep viewers hooked. Hopefully they have learned from the mistakes of UltimateWarriorFan4Ever, and won’t repeat them this year.

Strong recommendation to avoid.

2:55 AM  

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