Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Beck reveals more Information

Billboard has posted some further news about the upcoming Beck album, The Information. Due on October 3, the set was produced by Nigel Godrich, who also worked with Beck on Sea Change and Mutations, not to mention the recent Thom Yorke record and just about everything Radiohead's ever done.

Here's the set list:

"Elevator Music"
"Think I'm In Love"
"Cell Phone's Dead"
"Soldier Jane"
"Strange Apparition"
"Dark Star"
"Movie Theme"
"We Dance Alone"
"No Complaints"
"1000 BPM"
"The Information"
"New Round"
"Horrible Fanfare/Landslide/Exoskeleton"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ladies and Gentlemen, Anthony LoGatto. Known in many circles as the beta-Chris Chan, A-Log (as he likes to be called, because he apparently does not believe he needs anonymity online) caught the attention of many online trolling groups long ago for his long and winded rants on the infamous CWC. While many people (i.e. everybody on the damn internet) have cracked jokes at Mr. Chandler's expense, there was something quite odd about Mr. Log. Namely, many of his traits seemed to mirror Chris in ways and in some extent were far worse.

It wasn't long at all before the internet worked its magic, and revealed all about this man. A-Log is in fact an unemployed, aging, Oedipal furry who wrote a large collection of self-insert smut stories where he pork's a wide range of fictional characters and OCs. Certainly A-Log was very foolish to throw stones when he himself lived in the flimsiest of glass houses, and many theorize he only did so because in Chris he saw himself and he desperately wanted to convince himself otherwise.

Now that we have that introduction out of the way, let's tear his one-man circle-jerk of a story apart.

Chapter 1: The Great Twatsby
The World's Luckiest Guy

by Anthony LoGatto

By the way, LoGatto means "lover of cats". Coincidentally, he boinks the cat from Animaniacs later in this story. I should be disturbed to no end by this, but I'm hoping that by this logic we can expect great things from Max Fightmaster

Rated NC-17


Written: 1-6-02

Finished: 1-13-02

"Aw, look at that. He's trying to convince us that this smut has any semblance quality."

(the prologue opens in Anthony's room, where the morning shines a crack in his window curtain. He is asleep. Pan towards his door as someone enters in slowly. A female cat in a maid's uniform slowly and quietly walks in.

"Oh hey, and it's in script format! Because 20th Century Fox was definitely going to pick up this brilliant screenplay for "Furry Oedipus Does Dallas"."

She has long blonde hair and glasses. The maid is actually Callie Briggs from Swat Kats. She takes a look at Anthony lovingly as she opens the curtains. She looks at him again, and gets a michevous grin.

"Time to draw Sharpie dicks!!!"

She gets a really *NAUGHTY* idea for him. Pan towards his face as he is asleep. He then stirs and yawn a bit. Cut to his vision as he sees Callie, his maid, giving him a blowjob. He is confused at this but enjoying it.)

"I guess sometimes he just doesn't enjoy random blowjobs. He has to be in the right mood, otherwise he'll smack a bitch up for daring to suck his cock."

Anthony: (as he stirs a bit and notices her) Callie? What are you doing?

"Losing every last bit of my dignity..."

Callie: (stops a second and takes his shaft out of her mouth) Oh, I'm just giving you my way of saying 'good morning' to a handsome stud like you.

(photo of Anthony LoGatto)

"This is A-Log. Words like handsome don't really come to mind..."

Anthony: (gets it, and smiles) Oh. Continue then.

"Yeah, no shit. Even by porn dialogue standards, this is awful."

(pan towards Callie, and she does that. She bobs her head up and down on his black cock,

TheLameGamer: Wut?

continuing as she hears his whimpers escape from his muzzle. She then stops.)

"I'm not sure if he means muzzle because he's a furry, or if somehow mid-coitus he just put on bondage gear. I'm going to assume the latter, because then I can believe that the sex is only a distraction so that all the characters he is yet to ruin can run in and beat the ever-loving shit out of him."

1:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Callie: (erotically) You should know that I have a crush on you.

Nicholas Cage: You Don't Say?

Anthony: So?

Callie: (erotically) I know that almost every girl wants to sleep with you.


But I think that you need to lie down before anything bad happens.

Anthony: Oh that. I have used condoms when I do them. Some even took birth control pills beforehand. So therefore I wouldn't make them pregnant.

"What is this neckbeard sex-ed? I think most people reading this (A-Log himself, Encyclopedia Dramatica, and anyone who reads this mock) know how a goddamn condom works."

Callie: (erotically, as she lowers herself down on his pelvic area) I took mine this morning. So... (guides her hand on his chest) I think it's my turn.

"There's only one song that can fit this moment. Mmmhmm... Everyone has AIDS! AIDS, AIDS, AIDS!"

Anthony: (smiles) Be my guest.

(Callie nods as she positions herself on his shaft. She rocks a bit to get herself straight. Afterwards, she rides him. Anthony is clearly enjoying this morning pleasure, as his kitty maid rides herself on his erect shaft.

Anthony: Did I mention that I am enjoying this intercourse we are having?

Callie: Yes, you did. I am enjoying this sexual intercourse as well.

Anthony: That is good, let us continuing having sexual relations.

Callie: I like that idea.

He then kneads her breasts through her shirt, even if she didn't take it off. To make it easier for him, she took the white apron-like covering off, and lifts her shirt up, showing that she has no bra.)

Anthony: (enjoying this) Man, Callie! I never knew you grew into that before.

(photo of Pedo Bear Seal of Approval)

Callie: (erotic screaming) I just (gasp) did it for you! (gasp) I know what you liked about me was my breasts, so I perked myself up for this! (gasps) Now suck them, Anthony! Please?! (gasps)

"Wow, so not only is this OC a furry manwhore, he's incredibly shallow as well. Good going A-Log, I bet all the girls in town are just lining up at your doorstep to ride your crusty micro penis."

Anthony: (enjoying it) Alright! (sits up and sucks on her left breast as she continues riding him. He then goes to her right breast, as she gasps for more. When he's finished, both of them kiss each other deeply. At that moment, both of them go into orgasm, but doesn't scream in passion.

"Into Orgasm? Way to make it sound like some kind of medical condition."

Then everything stops as Callie catches her breath. Anthony then complements her.)

Anthony: Now that's a wake up call I love to hear.

"Wait, what? Did she fuck your ear or something? Do you have auditory receptors in your cock?"

Callie: (reminds him of something) Oh, I noticed that you were writing some invitations. Your birthday isn't for months.

Anthony: Oh, it's just me with the girls.

Callie: An orgy?

"At least tell me they're playing Blue Monday..."

Anthony: (worried as she might be upset) Well, yes. But God did give me a handsome face. It's not like I'm cheating on them or anything.

"No, but it does make you a filthy manwhore."

Callie: (silent for a moment, but cheers up) I understand. It's not everyday that many handsome foxes like you, or any other animal and human, can have sex with twenty or more women. (kisses him on the cheek) But I still love you.

"Twenty women at once?! Jesus Tap dancing Christ on a Bicycle! Sterling Archer would tell you to stop being such a fucking whore!"

1:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: (brightens up) Thanks, Callie. (gets out of bed, fixes himself and heads towards the bathroom.)

(switch to him in the bathroom. He is doing his usual morning routines: brush his teeth, brush his hair, put on deoderant, and shave... off stubble. Switch to him minutes later, eating scrambled eggs and bacon. He's reading the newspaper, which has an article about the crazed teenager who crashed onto a Florida highrise. Knowing that the kid sympathizes Osama Bin Laden, Anthony draws a chip tooth, black eye patch, and mustache.

Sloth: What the fuck man?

"WHAT THE ASS-FUCKING SHIT?! Did we honestly just segue from terrible smut to a political commentary about 9/11?! I mean goddamn, I know this was written in 2002, but was there ever a time this was called for? Twist my ball sack, and call me Nancy this shit just got real!"

Callie looks on and giggles. Switch to the exterior of his home, which is like a top-of-the-line mansion. He opens the door and steps out to breathe in the new morning air. Callie stands next to him.)

"Because this asshole couldn't be anymore of a Marty-Stu. I can only guess in the next few chapters he goes back in time to invent Rock n' Roll and then proceeds to kill Osama Bin Laden with his bare hands. Seriously A-Log, you honestly thought you were better than Chris-Chan? Fuck. You."

Callie: (concerned) Are you sure you want to do this?

Anthony: Of course. I thank God for my good looks. I'm not being vain on thanking him, but the women still love me. (walks towards his car. Callie follows)

"No, you're being very vain A-Log. I hope you become sterile so that no children will grow up learning your fucked-up morals."

Callie: (as she walks with him) So do I. But... (thinks for a moment) do you have protection?

Anthony: (takes some condoms out of his pocket) One or two.

Callie: Good. Sometimes a girl forgets to take their pills. (giggles)

"By the way A-Log, you forgot to pay your CHILD SUPPORT!"

(Anthony smiles at her as he enters his car. Callie then rests her arm on the car door with the window down.)

Anthony: (smiles) Forgot something, Cal?

Callie: Oh yeah, (pulls out pistol) put the wallet in the bag mothafucka!

Callie: Well... (pauses as she gives him a deep romantic kiss on the lips. At the same time, she guides her hands down his body and fondles his crotch. She then releases herself from his lips.) A little something before you invite your many girlfriends.

Anthony: Wow. That little stunt might make me want to give you an invitation to my orgy.

"Because all women, LOVE to be treated like mindless fucktoys."

(Callie blushes as he starts his car. Anthony backs off from the driveway, and then he speeds off. Callie looks on with her hands on her chest, and sighs deeply. Fade out)
End of Prolouge

Oh dear fuck, I thought that would never end! So what can be said about this guy? He's a narcissist, a shitty writer, a misogynist, a literal motherfucker, etc, etc. Well, it looks like I'm in for the long haul here folks. This story, most likely written by a woman-hating robot, has ten more chapters. Time to drink some brain bleach and pray that I'll ever be able to get aroused again...

1:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well ladies and gents, my classes are out for the winter. So, hooray, I get to read more terrible wet dreams of a disturbed, growth-stunted adult. I honestly have to wonder who aside from the author was reading this garbage. I mean surely no one out there is so desperate as to fap to a poorly written, script-formatted porn starring a Marty-Stu, right? Please tell me I'm right...ermm

Chapter 2: Poopersize Me
World's Luckiest Guy

by Anthony LoGatto

Rated NC-17

Chapter 1: Rouge & Rita

Yes ladies and gentlemen, this chapter features Sega's favorite slut herself. Rouge the Bat, the horrible Frankensteinesque lovechild of Nosferatu and Pamela Anderson. Granted, seeing Rouge in porn on the internet is like seeing Mario in a Nintendo game at this point, so let's focus on A-Log's other waifu here. That is, in fact, Rita the cat from Animaniacs.

(picture of Rita the cat)

...I just...

JonTron: Oh Noooooo!

Written: 1-16-02 Finished: 4-21-02

"It took him three months to write this shit people. THREE FUCKING MONTHS! Did he honestly think people were anticipating the release of this festering garbage turd with Jergens and Kleenex at the ready? Was he honestly tweaking his self-indulgent wank material for three months to make it acceptable to the general public?!"

(open to see Anthony driving in his car. He steers with one hand, and he strokes himself raw with another. Focus on the list, as it has many women on his list.

"Yo dawg, I heard you like lists. So I put a list in a list so you can check things off while you stroke your pretentious ego."

Switch back to him as he looks over a house, and stops by there. He parks the car in front of the house. He gets out of the car and walks towards the door. Just as he was about to knock, a black hedgehog steps out in front of him. This is Shadow, Rouge's boyfriend. He looks at him like he was an intruder.)

"Okay, so Shadow and Rouge are dating. (unsure) Wow, A-Log, you really are a piece of shit. Not only do you feel like you deserve a fucking harem of animated bitches, you feel as though it's perfectly fine to coerce people into adultery. Go get sodomized with a rake you miserable piece of trash."

Shadow: (angry) Who the hell is this?!

Anthony: (shocked/trying to remain calm) Oh, Shadow! Fancy meeting you here. So, um...

Anthony: I was just going to buttfuck your girlfriend. SHIT! I mean I was gonna give your girlfriend a dirty sanchez. DAMMIT! I mean your girlfriend's a dirty whore. FUCK!

(gets cut off as Rouge appears next to her angered boyfriend.)

Rouge: That's Anthony, Shadow. He was the one who invited us to Groucho's party, remember?

"Groucho always throws the best parties, the other Marxs often get jealous of him because of it."

Anthony: Yeah, she's got a point there, Shadow.

"She's also about to get another point. HEEEEYY-YOOOOOO!"

(Shadow remembers about the party. He then cools down.)

Shadow: Oh right. Nice to see you again, A-Log. (Anthony nods as Shadow kisses Rouge on the cheek.) I'm going to work now, Rouge. Take care of the flowers for me while I'm gone.

Anthony: What a nice guy. Well, time to be the lecherous shitbag that I am!

Rouge: (rolls her eyes) Alright. (Shadow walks past Anthony as he walks towards his car. He starts up the engine, and speeds off. Rouge walks inside, with Anthony following her.)

Anthony: (as Rouge walks towards her couch) So, how are you and Shadow doing?

Rouge: (turns around arubtly, upset) Rotten! (turns back and sits down) All Shadow ever cares about are those damn flowers of his! He doesn't even have time to spend with me!

"Shadow the Hedgehog? Flowers?"

(picture of Shadow the Hedgehog)

Anthony: What about when you had that date with him and you told me about how Shadow give you the best 40 minutes of your life?

Rouge: Good point. But he still cares about those flowers. I wish I could do something.

11:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: (sits down next to her) You know what? I think you need a real guy, Rouge.

"A fat manchild who tries desperately to distance himself from other fat manchildren! A misogynistic, egotistical neckbeard who puts his sex drive above all other things!"

Rouge: Oh, really? (gets seductive and bats her eyelashes to him. Switch to Anthony, who's now looking nervous.)

Anthony: (nervous) *gulp* Well, maybe not me. Maybe somebody else.

"You came to invite her to an orgy you dumbass! Why the maggot-infested shit are you getting cold feet when she starts making advances?"

(Rouge then moves closer to Anthony, still having that seductive look in her eyes and sound in her voice.)

Rouge: (sexy) No, Anthony, I want you! And I want you now! (moves up to him closer; so close, that her breasts are on his chest.)

"Can we please go back to Shadow's garden? That sounds interesting. Or maybe that terrorist kid from Chapter 1? Or literally anything that isn't what happens next?"

Anthony: (smiles) I've been waiting for this for a while, Rouge. Let's do it!

(Anthony then wraps his arms around Rouge, and gives her a deep kiss on her lips. She takes this in as she carresses his back, as Anthony does the same. He then slides a hand down to her breasts to take her top covering off. As he does, he sees that Rouge is wearing a black and purple bandeau.)

Anthony: (pleased) Man, Rouge. You sure know how to accessorise.

"Rouge can rise accessories like no other woman can. She accessorizes horribly though."

Rouge: (seductively) [gently pushes Anthony off] That's not all. (she takes off the bottom covering to reveal a sexy pink thong. Anthony's eyes grow wide as he sees her that way.) Shall we begin? (squeezes her breasts)

Anthony: (amazed) [takes off his shirt] Let's shall.

"Let's shall?"

(Captain Picard facepalms)

(Rouge sits on his knees and kisses him again. As they are kissing, Rouge guides her hand down to his crotch. As soon she found her destination, she starts to rub it, as it releases pleasured moans from Anthony. As he is liplocked, he manages to unhook her bra. She stops for a moment to let it fall off, revealing her voluptous 50DDD breasts.)

Rouge: (erotically) You know I grew them for you, Anthony. I liked it the first time we did it, (Author's Note: See "Rouge Cheats on Shadow 2.0" for more info) so why not give me an encore?

"How are these characters growing their breasts? Does the author think that boobs work like sponges or something? Unless she's pregnant, ovulating or recently had plastic surgery there's no reason for her tits to be growing!"

Anthony: (smiles) As you wish, Rouge.

(Rouge holds up her breasts as Anthony begins to suck on her mountainous mams. She smiles at him like a mother watching a baby breastfeeding.

"Paging Dr. Freud... PAGING DR. FREUD!"

She lets go as Anthony fondles one of them, as he sucks on the other. She leans her head back to release a deep moan as she is enjoying this pleasure. Rouge then feels his penis throbbing from under her. As he continues sucking, she gets an idea.)

Rouge: (erotically) Ok, that's enough. (pushes his head off her breasts) Now let me return the favor. Let me play with your chubby man tits.

Anthony: Which is?

Rouge: (erotically) As in let me pleasure you for making Shadow go away.

Patrick Starfish: Boo!

Besides, (unzips his pants) his size is nothing compared to your's.

Anthony: Oh? What is his size?

Rouge: (erotically) Oh, about 3-4. Your's outmatches his. (takes his pants off and gazes into his hung 6 inch cock.)

""Hung" and "6-Inch"... I think someone's confused."

My, my, my. You're well hung compared to him.

"Hey, be fair! Shadow's, like, three feet tall. What were you expecting?"

11:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: (erotically) Well, why won't you take my 6 inches and suck on it?

(Rouge smiles at him as she gazes at his size. She then engulfs her mouth onto his cock, and gives him a blowjob. She starts to lick the head, and licks the rest of his length. Pan to Anthony, enjoying this as he arches back.)

Anthony: (erotically) Oh my sweet God, Rouge. (gasps) You're a pro at this, aren't you? Uhn.

(Pan back to Rouge as she bobs her head up and down on his huge rod. She then takes her mouth out, and puts her big, lucious breasts on his base. She rubs them together on his shaft as she kisses and licks the head. This is all that Anthony could stand as he grips on the couch's arm. He then grunts, and shoots his load into Rouge's mouth. About 8 shots of it.

"8 shots?! For fucks sake don't dehydrate yourself there!"

Rouge does her best to take them in, but some of it dribbled out of her mouth, and on to her breast. She then licks him clean, and takes her mouth off it.)

Rouge: (content) Mmmm. You were always tasty when I suck you, Anthony.

"I always changed tenses when I speak English."

Anthony: (panting) Really? Thanks for the complement, Rouge.

Rouge: (smiles, then looks at his still hard cock) Hmmm. It's still hard.

"Uh, yeah, no. That doesn't happen. Especially after the stupid bullshit you just pulled, Mr. Eight Shots."

(erotically) Since your cock is still a rock, let's fuck.

Anthony: (confused) Why? But what about your pussy?

"What part about "let's fuck" doesn't make sense to you?"

Rouge: (erotically) Don't worry, baby. You can have some of it later. Right now, however, I want you to stick that 6-inch hammer in me, and let's do it!

Anthony: (smiles) Alright then. You know the position.

(Rouge smiles at him as she gets into all fours. Anthony does have some time to reach over his pants pocket to take a condom. He opens it first, then checks it. When he's done checking, he puts it on. Rouge looks back at him, smiling erotically.)

"Gotta include the all-important condom checking scene. Wouldn't want anyone to think Narcissus here is an irresponsible paramour."

Rouge: (erotically) You know, I'm still wearing my thong. Should I take it off or not?

"What part about "let's fuck" doesn't make sense to you?"

Anthony: (as he gets near her) Nah. I can just move the back part out of the way. It'll be easier for me to do you hard like a drill. (he gets near her ass, and he does just that.) Are you ready, Rouge?

Rouge: (erotically) Hell yeah! Now fuck me good, Tony!

(Anthony snaps to at the mention of Tony,


and he gets a wicked grin on his face. He then starts to shove his length into Rouge's pussy. He starts out slow, but then he quickens the pace as Rouge moans lowly, then loudly with each thrust.)

Rouge: (erotic screaming) Oh yes! Oh sweet GOD yes! (gasps) Ah! C'mon Anthony; harder, HARDER!!! (continues panting) (she then gyrates her hips giving him deep penetration,

"Wait! She's penetrating him? How exactly do you think a vagina works Anthony?"

her breasts sway in her movements) Oh GOD you make this feel so good! Uhn!

"No porn actor could say this shit with a straight face..."

Anthony: (thrusting into her) Good, eh? How about better? (he thrusts into her more deeper, and her moans get louder.)

Rouge: (enjoying this) Oh my god! Yes! (panting) Harder, better, faster, stronger... Oh! You're so big, Anthony! So big! Uhn! Make me cum, Anthony! Make me!

"It almost sounds like she's a schoolyard bully."

Rouge: Nuh-uh! YOU make me cum!

Anthony: As you wish! (he thrusts even more hard. He then looks over her) You shouldn't have called me Tony, Rouge. Now say my name!

Rouge: (erotic screaming) Kunta Kinte!!

11:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: Say it!

Rouge: Kunta Kinte!!

Anthony: Louder!

Rouge: YOUR NAME IS TOBY!!!!! Oh! (continues to moan, and then she feels it coming) Oh, Anthony don't stop! I love you so much, I... I... AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! (she goes into orgasm as her cum splashes onto his cock.)

"That sounded very homoerotic. Something that wouldn't seem out of place in yaoi. Given that Rouge was penetrating him somehow, makes it all the more disturbing."

Anthony: (grunts as Rouge goes into orgasm. This gives him the cue to shoot out his semen, even if they're covered inside the condom.

Anthony: Oh Rouge, I'm about fuck basic grammar!!!

When he's finished, he gets off of Rouge, and disposes the condom.)

Rouge: (catches her breath) Wow. That was great. Thanks Anthony.

Anthony: (as he gets his clothes back on) My pleasure, even though I'm not actually whoring myself.

"Hmm. Hmm. Hmmhmm."

Patch Adams: Fuck yooouuu!

(remembers something) Oh, I almost forgot. (pulls out an invitation)

Rouge: (confused) What's that for?

Anthony: Oh, it's an invitation for you to come to a little party I'm planning. It'll be great. It's a little shorter than Groucho's, but it's gonna be a good night for you. (gives her the invitation) I'm gonna treat you like a five dollar whore, it'll be great!

Rouge: (recieves it) Thanks. (Anthony then starts to leave) Do you have to go?

Anthony: (as he's at the door) Of course. I have some more invitations to send. I'll see you at the party. Oh, and dress up in something sexy for the party.

"Not like it matters. He's just gonna get his nasty splooge on it."

(leaves her home, and walks into his car. He then starts up the motor, and he drives off.)

(Minutes later, he is holding the list again, and has crossed Rouge's name off the list as complete. He then looks at a name of another girl. He seems to know the feline, and he drives up to her house. He then gets out of the car and walks towards the door. He then rings the doorbell, and waits for someone to answer. Seconds later, Rita from the Animaniacs, answers the door.

"Another picture of Rita, just to hammer the point home."

(picture of Rita and Runt)

"Thank you."

Compared to her old self, she is now sexier and an anthromorphic

"Notice how he said sexier before he said anthropomorphic. This means he considered Rita sexy to begin with. Please hold your screams until the end of the mock."

(In this universe she is- Anthony). She is wearing an orange tube top, and blue jeans. She holds her left hand on the wall, and her right hand on her hip, looking seductive to Anthony as her tail wags slowly back and forth.)

Rita: Mornin', Ant. What's cookin'?

"Other than shame and a metric fuckton of STDs?"

Anthony: Morning, Rita. I'm doing fine, thanks. That's a cute outfit you're wearing.

Rita: Thanks. I got it at Macy's.

(The magic of Macy's!)

Anthony: I see. Can I come in?

Rita: (moves back a bit) Well, come on in. (he enters, as she places her hands on her hips) Make yourself at home.

"Don't say that! You're practically begging him to start jerking off on everything!"

(She watches as Anthony goes towards her couch, and takes a seat. She then goes there, and takes a seat herself, next to him. To be a little coy, she crosses her leg on top of the other.)

Rita: So, Ant. What brings you here?

Anthony: Well, I just came from Rouge's place, after I gave her an invitation to a party I'm throwing tonight.

Rita: Oh, that's great. What's the occassion?

Anthony: Oh, it's just a night with me and the girls. But the catch is, is that the party is actually an orgy.

Rita: Ha-ha, that's great. Get the fuck out of my house!

11:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rita: (raises an eyebrow) [interested] Really?

Anthony: Of course. Why do you ask?

Rita: (getting seductive) Well, you know I work for Swing Shift Studios, right?

Anthony: Of course. That's one of America's best porn studios. I know your work.

"In this universe, Rita works in porn..."

Yakko Warner: (stunned and shocked) Goodnight Everybody!

Rita: (gets closer to Anthony) So, before you came here, did you have sex with Rouge?

Anthony: (a little nervous) Well, yeah. You're not offended, Rita?

Rita: (seductive) No. I've been in this thing before. I do work in the porn biz. So I don't mind being in an orgy.

"I'm sorry to all the Animaniacs fans out there. I really am... No one should have to suffer through this. Rule 34 can be a bitch sometimes, but this is just... damn."

Anthony: (brightens) That's great. But, you have to prove that you have what it takes to do me.

Rita: (erotically) Oh, really? (starts to stand up) Want me to prove myself to you?

Anthony: (chuckles) Knock yourself out.

"Shouldn't she be kind of pissed that he's wringing a freebie out her? I mean she's a professional sex worker. Certainly she shouldn't have to screw some stupid manchild to prove that she's worthy of being in his shitty orgy."

(Rita stands herself up in front of him, to see what she can do. She starts by getting the rhythm into herself as music, the type they use in XXX films, starts to play.

"Now we have background porn music from nowhere. Sure, why not?! This dreck can't get stupider."

She then starts to dance sexually in front of him. She entertains him by gyrating her body as she carresses her breasts. She then puts her arms behind her head, and guides her tail to slink up and thrust it in between her breasts.

"Why are you turned on by this?! This is some sick body horror shit, right here!"

She does this for five minutes. When she's done, she turns about face, places her hands on her knees, and guides her tail like a snake to Anthony's crotch. When it gets to her target, she uses her tail to slowly carress his kick zone. She looks back at him, as he enjoys this.)

"...and now we have Rita's makeshift phallus, rubbing the author's crotch. Harboring some bisexual tendencies I see."

Rita: (erotically) You liking this, big boy?

Anthony: (mesmerized) Yeah. But not as I'll enjoy this. (he then reaches out his arms, and grabs her trim waist. Rita looks on, as her tail was almost near the jean buckle. He then pulls her towards his lap, even though he is not fully erected.)

"A five-minute lap dance and you don't have an erection? I'm pretty sure any stripper worth her money would find that insulting to her craft."

(Rita is surprised by this. But her shock becomes pleasure, as Anthony begins to carress her beautful breasts. She releases many pleasured moans, as Anthony continues his act. Her moans become more lower when he decides to kiss her neck. She tilts her neck to her left, giving more room for him to kiss her neck. She then feels his throbbing cock throbbing her from behind,

"And my facepalming hand is facepalming my facepalmed face."

but she feels that it's not enough.)

Rita: (thinking) I'm doing great. His cock is near hardness. Now I need to keep it hard so he wouldn't cum yet. (she then breaks his hold, and turns herself around, facing him. She is now kissing him romactically with her tounge. Anthony then does the same. While they're in their liplock, Rita carresses herself on his crotch, destined to make his hard-on stay on.

"Might I suggest a Viagra cocktail?"

Then, like a reflex, she goes out of the liplock, and takes off her tube top, revealing to Anthony her round, voluptous breasts.)

Anthony: (impressed) Wow. Looks like you've been working out, Rita.

11:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rita: (erotically) (caresses her breasts) That's what the jiz biz is all about, baby! So do like my fellow actors did and suck my tits!

Oedipus: Jesus Christ man! We get it, you wanna have sex with your mom!

Anthony: Alright! (he then puts his mouth on her left breast, and again to the right breast. Rita is smiling contently as he indulges himself on her mams. She then leans her head back as he continues his breastfeeding. She then pulls him off, and stands up.)

Rita: (erotically) You like that?

Anthony: Yeah.

Rita: Good! Now say "Goo goo ga ga" and start shaking this rattle. I'm gonna leave, but I'll be back with some applesauce and a few Dr. Seuss books!

Rita: (erotically) Well, since these jeans I'm wearing is too long, I'm going to change into something more comfortable. (Caveman mode) This shirt are too big, me change it now!

Anthony: What should I do while I wait?

Rita: (erotically) Get yourself undress. (Caveman mode on) You get nake-nake. We make good snu-snu! (Caveman mode off) I want you completely naked when I come out of my room. (she then walks towards her room, with her hips swaying back and forth. As she gets to the door, she goes in a bit, but looks back at him.) I know you're going to love what I'm wearing when I come out.

Anthony: (smugly) You know I will!

(Rita smiles at him, and closes the door. While she's in there, Anthony does have some time to get himself undress. He is soon in the nude,

"Of course, A-Log doesn't describe his no-doubt ripped physique, because there's only so much bullshit we as an audience can take."

just as Rita opens her door. Camera pans over to her. She places her left hand on the wall, as she holds her jean pants over her shoulder. She is now wearing sexy cut-off jean shorts. Pan over to Anthony, who is amazed at this beauty. She then walks over to him, with a seductive smile on her features.)

"On her features? So her tits are smiling too?"

Anthony: (amazed) Wow, Rita. No wonder why Runt almost ran wild when he sees you.

"Please keep away from the beloved source material, author. The less I associate your shitstain with Animaniacs, the better."

Rita: (gets closer to him) (erotically) Well, that's his price for mistaking me for a dog. Now let's cut to the chase. (she puts her hands on his shoulders, and lowers him down to the floor. She then gets on top of him, and gives him a deep, romantic kiss. As they are in their liplock, Anthony guides his hands towards Rita's ass. As Rita still kisses him, he starts to slide off her cut-off jeans off her body.

"Which almost makes you wonder what the point of putting them on was."

Rita lifts herself up a bit, as Anthony slides her shorts down her legs. She puts herself back down on him, and continues their liplock.)

(as they are kissing, Rita suddenly feels Anthony's hard cock throbbing her stomach. She then breaks the kiss.)

Rita: What the fuck?! Why is a boner in my stomach?!

Rita: (erotically) I've noticed that I made your meat hard during our kiss.


Anthony: So it has. Now what?

Rita: (erotically) Well, (grabs his cock) why won't I suck on your gorgeous cock, while you suck on my delicious pussy?

Anthony: (raises an eyebrow) You're going to a 69, are you?

"I will not make a Bryan Adams joke. I will not make a Bryan Adams joke."

11:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rita: (erotically) Of course, baby. (moves up a bit and turns about face) Now just relax as I pleasure you.

(Anthony nods as Rita positions her waist on his face. He starts to eat her out, as Rita marvels at his amazing length. She feels even more wet, even if Anthony is eating her out. She then engulfs her mouth on his cock, and starts to suck on it. Their lustful moans start to fill the room as they are in the 69 position.

Bryan Adams: I got my first real six-string
Bought it at the five-and-dime
Played it 'til my fingers bled
It was the summer of '69

Me and some guys from school
Had a band and we tried real hard.
Jimmy quit, Jody got married
I should've known we'd never get far

Oh, when I look back now
That summer seemed to last forever
And if I had the choice
Yeah, I'd always wanna be there
Those were the best days of my life

Ain't no use in complainin'
When you've got a job to do
Spent my evening's down at the drive-in
And that's when I met you, yeah

Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Oh, and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

Oh, yeah.
Back in the summer of '69, oh.

Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever, forever, no!

And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone
Sometimes when I play that old six-string
I think about you, wonder what went wrong

Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me that it'd last forever
Oh, and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

Oh, yeah.
Back in the summer of '69, oh.
It was the summer of '69, oh, yeah.
Me and my baby in '69, oh.
It was the summer, the summer, the summer of '69, yeah.

TheLameGamer: Fuck.

Anthony spreads her valley wider as he continues licking up her juices.

"Valley? If he refers to her secretions as Hidden Valley Ranch, then I'm fucking done."

As he is doing that, Rita bobs her head up and down as she continues her blowjob. As Anthony gets closer to his destination, Rita's moans are muffled from his cock in her mouth as he reaches her jewel. He sucks hardly on it, thus driving Rita to the edge. Taking all she could stand, she gets her mouth off his penis, and screams with passion, as she comes into orgasm. Her love juices splatter Anthony as he continues his task. He then stops.)

Anthony: Anything else, Rita?

Rita: (cathces her breath) Well, I do want to try something out with you. (starts to crawl off his body)

Anthony: (starts to sit up) Really? What's that? Your new chainsaw?

Rita: (erotically, as she stops crawling) Well, I think you know this part.

Anthony: (chuckles) You know I do. (just as he starts to grab her behind to do a doggystyle, Rita's tail touches his chest with a furry accent.)

TheLameGamer: Furry Accent.

TheLameGamer: Furry Accent.

TheLameGamer: Furry Accent!

Rita: (erotically) But not what you think. See this tail?

Anthony: (mesmerized as her tails wags slowly at him) Yeah.

Rita: (snickers erotically) Watch this. (she then guides her tail down his chest, and on to his erect cock.)

(as Rita reaches her destination, she starts to wrap her tail on Anthony's cock. Anthony jerks his head back sharply, as Rita starts to squeeze his meat with her tail. She then goes into the edge as she uses her tail to jerk him off.

"Are you supposed to forget the part earlier where she tit fucked her own tail? This is basically the equivalent of her rubbing him off with a dildo."

12:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rita looks from behind, as Anthony arches back, moaning at the pleasure her tail is giving him. She smiles as her tail keeps squeezing and jerking his length over and over. Anthony has all that he can stand, and shoots his cum onto Rita's backside. As he is finished, Rita jerks him off to get his length back. She turns her head back to address him.)

Rita: (erotically) Did you like that, Anthony?

Anthony: (gasps for air) Yeah. I forgot that you had that trademark tail from Swing Shift. Thanks.

Rita: (erotically) My pleasure. Now go ahead, and hump me down like a dog in heat, you foxy Fabio! I'm waiting...

Fabio: Please, keep me out of this.

(Anthony does as he is told, and Rita lets go of his length. He then shoves his six inches into her moistened valley. Rita moans lowly as she takes him into her. Anthony starts out slowly as Rita grips her hands on the carpet; her claws almost tearing it up. He then starts to go faster, as if following an unheard plea from Rita.)

Rita: (tosses her head back, moaning lowly as he drives deep into her) (panting) Oh my God! Oh! Oh! This feels so good, Anthony! So good! Keep it up! Oh! Give it to me, Anthony! Give it to me! Ah!

"Y'know, "show don't tell" applies to smut too. We shouldn't have to be told that a character is enjoying sex. It's quite sad when you have to reassure your audience that the girl isn't bored out of her gourd and playing Angry Birds during coitus."

(Anthony starts to go even more faster, as Rita gyrates er hips to get him deeper. If that wasn't enough, she uses her tail once again to jerk him off; this time as he is still pumping into her.)

"Wow, more body horror. Because my dick wasn't frightened enough already!"

Rita: (her moans turn into screams of pleasure) Oh sweet Jesus! Uhn! You sure now how... to treat a woman...

TheLameGamer: Shut up bitch! That's a fucking lie, and you know it.

Rita: Ah! Oh, yes... Yes! Fuck me hard, dammit! Oh, oh, oh, OH!

(Anthony penetrates Rita deeper into pleasure, with her tail helping him out. He then feels her pussy close in on his shaft. Knowing that the end is near, he continues penetrating her. With a few grunts, he holds on to her tight ass, as he sprays jet after jet of seman into Rita.

"For a word used as often in smut as "semen", it's really kind of sad when you're a pornographer who can't spell it."

When he is done, Rita throws her head back to let out one more scream of pleasure, as her cum splatters Anthony's shaft. As they gasp for air, Anthony takes his shaft out, and collapses next to Rita. They exchange smiles at each other.)

Anthony: (breathing hard) Well, I guess you've proved yourself. You're invited.

Rita: (breathing hard) Thanks. I haven't been with Runt in a while. Thanks for filling the void for me.

JonTron: (vomits)

(Anthony smiles, until he realizes that he forgot to put a condom on.)

Anthony: (lowly) Shit.

Rita: What's wrong?

Anthony: I forgot to put a condom on while we were in doggystyle. I'm sorry.

"Behold, the most development our "hero" will have! Worrying about unwanted pregnancy!"

12:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rita: Don't be sorry. You know, as I was changing, I took the pill before our romp.

Anthony: The birth-control type?

Rita: No, genius. Ibuprofen. What the fuck do you think?!

Rita: Yep. Many porn starlets have used this tatic. So don't worry. (grabs her clothes, as Anthony does the same.)

Anthony: Hmm. (as he puts his clothes on) Anyway, thanks for our little time together. Also, thanks for the scabies.

Rita: (as she puts her tube top back on) Don't mention it. Mind if I accompany you to your car? I might need a walk to get my energy back.

Anthony: (as he puts his sneakers on) I don't mind. (Rita smiles back.)

(switch to outside Rita's house, as she and Anthony walk towards his car. He then gets in, but Rita stops him for a moment.)

Rita: (coy) Aren't you forgetting something?

Anthony: Oh yeah! *SMACK* BITCH, get me a sammich!

Anthony: (thinks about, then remembers) Oh yeah, your invitation. (pulls it out of his pocket, and gives it to her) I'll see you at the orgy, Rita. Don't forget to wear something sexy while you're there.

Rita: (chuckles) You know I will. (winks at Anthony. He smiles back, and starts up the motor. He then starts his car up, and drives off. Rita waves goodbye to him, as a neighbor cutting his hedges watches on. Pan towards him as he watches on. His eyes roll back and shakes his head, as if saying "What is the world coming to these days?" and resumes cutting his hedges. Fade out.)

TheLameGamer: Hey author, just because you lampshade your bullshit, doesn't make it acceptable.

End of Chapter 1

Well folks, that was something... If ever there was a character I couldn't find the slightest shred of sympathy for, it'd be this shitty self-insert Stu. Perhaps I was too harsh on Finn the Hybrid, at least that story wasn't a self-centered wankfest. Well, join me next time for another installment of He-Slut and the Masters of the Poon-iverse.

12:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I've got nothing to do right now. Might as well do another chapter of Childhood Raper 9000, while I'm here. Time to stomp out all of my warm, fuzzy holiday feelings with a steaming lump of porn so terrible, you'd swear it was a farce. So ladies and gents, here is some more of Mr. LoGatto's lovely piece of art, and my incessant bitching about it.

Chapter 3: Tenacious DD and the Dick of Destiny
The World's Luckiest Guy

by Anthony LoGatto

Rated NC-17

Chapter 2: Delilah & Hello Nurse

TheLameGamer: Hey there Delilah, what are you doing in this fanfic? Shouldn't you be a thousand miles away in New York City? Also, just because one Animaniacs character wasn't enough, we get another dose of Anthony doing his best to ruin an animated comedy classic.

Written: 4-20-02

Finished: 5-6-02

TheLameGamer: Wow, this one only took two weeks to make. I guess Anthony found time out of his busy schedule of unemployment to grace people with the next chapter so much quicker. Truly, this man is so selfless that he could pass for Jolly Old Saint Nick himself!

Professor Frink: [looking at the screen of a beeping gadget] Are you kidding? Are you kidding me? This sarcasm detector is off the charts!

(chapter two opens with Anthony's car stopping at the front yard of someone's house. He then steps out, and takes out his list.

TheLameGamer: Ruined everyone's childhoods? Check. Made people sick to their stomach? Check. Caused several vows of celibacy to be made? Check.

Switch to his view as he checks over his list. The names of Rouge and Rita have already been crossed out. He then puts it back to his pocket, and he starts to walk towards the house. Switch out of his view as he reaches the door. He rings the doorbell and waits for someone to answer. Seconds later, a beautiful female bunny opens the door.

TheLameGamer: Insert Nostalgia Critic rant about bunny-boobies here...

She is a valkyrie as we note her living environment as the door is opened. She has blonde hair and is well endowed. She is out of her viking attire, and is wearing a purple robe. This is Delilah from The Brothers Grinn's "Supermegatopia" web comic series. She greets him.)

TheLameGamer: Hmm. I'm afraid I'm not acquainted with this character, and cursory Google search showed me that I probably don't want to be. Looks like the very typical furry fanservice garbage webcomic. Panne could kick this bitch's ass any day.

(Panne goes into Taguel mode and attacks relentlessly!)

TheLameGamer: The Taguel don't fuck around!

Delilah: Anthony, what a pleasant surprise.

Anthony: Mornin' Delilah. Um, why are you in your robe?

Delilah: Well, I was going to take a shower. I didn't know you were coming.

TheLameGamer: ...too easy.

Anthony: Well, I do visit when most people didn't know I'm coming. I'm just a people person. May I come in?

TheLameGamer: Dammit, I don't need an easy joke!

Delilah: Sure. (Anthony walks in, as Delilah closes the door, and follows him. Anthony then sits down, as Delilah goes to her bathroom to take her shower.) I'll be in the shower for a bit. You don't mind waiting, do you?

Anthony: Me? No, of course not.

TheLameGamer: Not that we'll actually be waiting. This story skips to the sex faster than most actual porno's.

(Delilah smiles, and she enters the bathroom. Anthony is just about to sit down, until he hears a scream coming from the bathroom. He identifies the scream as Delilah's, and rushes towards the bathroom. Switch there as Anthony enters, worried if Delilah was hurt. Delilah is nowhere to be found. All of a sudden, the door slams loudly, and a lock is heard. Anthony then turns to see Delilah, standing in front of the door, looking at him a michevous grin on her face. Anthony then starts to resist her tempations.)

7:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: (nervous) Um, Delilah. Why did you bring me here and locked your bathroom door in the process?

TheLameGamer: Jesus H. Jones! Does this dude have a split personality or something? Quit acting like your surprised when people want to fuck you during your damn fuckquest!

Delilah: (walks over to him) (seductively) Well, since you're here, I felt that it wouldn't be fair for me to take a shower by myself. So, I want you to join me in the shower, Anthony.

Anthony: (nervous) (as Delilah gets close to him) Me? Um, well... I guess I should be heading off now.

TheLameGamer: Please leave. Don't ruin shower sex for everyone. I want to have at least one thing sexy in this world that hasn't been tainted by your verbal diarrhea.

Delilah: (seductive) Are you sure?

Anthony: (nervous) (gulps) Um, let me think about it.

(as he is thinking about it, Delilah looks down to see that he is fully erect. She smiles, and focuses her view back to him)

Delilah: (erotically) I think your little friend wants it.

Random Keebler Elf: Hey lady, leave me outta this! I'm only here for the catering.

Anthony: (nervous) (sweatdrop appears on his forehead) Um, well my friend doesn't behave sometimes.

(she then moves away from Anthony for a second, and releases her strong grip on his cock. She then starts to untie her robe. She then drops it off herself, exposing her lucious naked body. Anthony's eyes are now wide open, as his cock stiffens up. He decides not to resist her charms.)

TheLameGamer: Really?! I was just on the edge of the seat wondering if he would actually fuck someone in this porno!

Anthony: (romantic) Um, I think I want it now. (Delilah smiles as she walks over to the shower, as Anthony is getting undress.)

Delilah: Which setting would you like, Anthony?

TheLameGamer: Let's try puree. That way I can just scoop both of your remains into the drain and forget this ever happened.

Anthony: (as he takes off his shirt) Warm please. I'm never comfortable when it's boiling hot.

(Delilah smiles, and she sets the water to warm, as she turns the shower on. By then, Anthony had just been fully undressed, and he takes off his glasses. The shower is a regular type with a glass door, but this one can fit two people and it has room for them to have sex.

TheLameGamer: Nice to know that Home Depot sells shower models made specifically for fucking.

Delilah then gestures Anthony to come in first. He obeys, and enters. She soon follows, and closes the door. They then hold each other close, and then kiss passionately as the shower water hits them.)

(as they kiss, Delilah guides her hand to the shower counter, and she grabs a bar of soap. She breaks the kiss to show him the soap.)

Delilah: Hey buddy! Guess where this is going!

Delilah: (erotically) Do you know what you can do with this while we're in here?

Anthony: What?

Delilah: Scrub yourself clean of the terrible sins against mankind you've committed.

Delilah: (erotically) Anything you like. (gives it to him) Just do it.

(Anthony gives it some thought. He then gestures Delilah to turn around. She does as she's told, as Anthony gets behind her. He puts the soap in between her breasts, and starts to rub them together with the soap in between her valkyrie mountains.

TheLameGamer: Wow... Soap titfucking. That's... just... Someone fucking masturbated to a girl titfucking a bar of soap!!

Delilah watches on as Anthony rubs her breasts together. She leans her head back to release a pleasured moan, as she holds Anthony's head with her right arm. As he is doing this, he guides his hardened prick to her cottontail, and waves it against her furry appendage. This last for a few minutes. Anthony then frees Delilah, but she grabs the soap and puts it back on the rack.)

TheLameGamer: Whew. That was close, wouldn't want anyone to think that the soap just fell!

7:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Delilah: (content) Mmmmm. That was a good use, Anthony.

Anthony: Thanks. What's next?

(Delilah thinks about it, and motions him to come with her.

TheLameGamer: Nope.

She then leans on the glass door and gestures him to come.

TheLameGamer: C'mon, you're not even trying to be clever about this lame innuendo.

He does, and he puts his hands on the door. After he did that, Delilah starts to slide down slowly to his crotch area. She then sees his erect cock, and she is impressed.)

Delilah: (thinking) Mother of Odin, I never knew he could get this big. But, it's hard to satisfy without one.

TheLameGamer: I'm sorry, did you miss a sentence here? What the hell is she saying?!

(she marvels it for a second, and then starts to lick the head of the penis. Anthony releases some pleasured whimpers as she licks his little friend's head. She then engulfs her whole mouth on it and bobs her head up and down as she gives him a blowjob.)

Anthony: Oh... Delilah. How do valkyries like you get the hang of this? Uhn.

TheLameGamer: Umm... she puts your penis in her mouth. It's not that difficult of a concept to grasp.

(Delilah doesn't reply and continues this delicious torture.

TheLameGamer: Since when is a blowjob considered torture? Does she have acid for saliva? Has she never seen a dentist in her lifetime?

Seconds later, Anthony feels a sharp sensation in his shaft.

TheLameGamer: She should've listened to Dr. Rabbit, and brushed twice a day with fluoride toothpaste.

The More You Know

He holds on to Delilah and starts cumming into her mouth. Delilah feels unfazed as he releases his sticky hot love glue, but continues to suck up what Anthony gave to her. After licking the head clean, she rises up to face him again.)

Delilah: (erotically) Did you like it?

Anthony: I did, until you fucking bit my dick!

Anthony: Yeah. Now it's your turn. (he lowers himself down to Delilah's waist level. When he gets there, he marvels at her vagina, right for the taking. He then starts to put his mouth on it, and give her vaginal sex.

TheLameGamer: Pretty sure that's not what vaginal sex means. By that logic, whenever I kiss someone I should be arrested for public indecency.

Pan towards Delilah, as she is enjoying Anthony eating her out.)

Delilah: (erotically) (low) Oh, sweet mother of Asgard!

TheLameGamer: Enough! Thor, end this blasphemy!

(Thor strikes the ground with his Mjolnir creating a shockwave)

That is so good what you're giving to me. This is so nice. Ah! Oh, yes! Uhn!

TheLameGamer: Why does everyone in this fic become a robot when they have sex?! Oh wait, that's because Anthony has a fetish for robots. No, I'm not making that up.

(Delilah then pushes Anthony deeper with her strong hands. So strong, his tounge was pretty much able to gather up her love honey as he hit her pleasure nerves. Minutes later, Delilah can't take it any more.)

Delilah: (erotically) (low) Oh, Anthony; I can't... take any... more...

TheLameGamer: Oh, she's reading from the script too.

Ahhhh! (on cue, she goes into orgasm, as her cum splatters Anthony's muzzle. He is able to lick up her love juices as she came. As she is trying to catch her breath, he rises back up to face her.)

Anthony: (romantically) Now we're even.

Delilah: (catches her breath) I see. (notices her breasts) Now that you've cleaned my breasts, can you give them a little lick for me, please? (squeezes her breasts)

Ed Gein: Goddamn man! Not even I did this much motherfucking!

7:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(Anthony nods, and holds her close to him. He then starts to lick her right breast as Delilah holds his head to it. He does the same to the other breasts. She leans her head back and moans contently again. This lasts a few minutes, until she pulls him off.)

Delilah: (erotically) That was very good, Anthony. I wished that there were some vikings that had some sense in them like you do.

TheLameGamer: Hey! It's not Loki's fault he got raped by a horse!

Anthony: I'll take it as a compliment. Now I want you to do one more thing for me.

Delilah: (curious) Really? But what else could we possibly do stark naked in the shower?

(Anthony then whispers something into her bunny ear. She then giggles, and turns towards the shower door. When she gets there, she puts her hands on it, as she sticks her lucious behind to Anthony. He smiles, and he starts to get close to her ass. He then positions his hard prick, and inserts it inside her vaginal walls.)

Delilah: (moans lowly as she takes his six inches inside of her)

Anthony: Before I start, are you on the pill?

Delilah: Is it the "birth-control kind"?

Delilah: (lowly, but erotic) Yes. Now make love to me, please!

Anthony: What?! No! I was just gonna shave your legs for you!

(Anthony smiles as he starts to pump his length into her valley. He starts out slow, but quickens his pace. Pan to Delilah, breathing hardly as Anthony bangs her box.)
Delilah: (eroric screaming) Oh yes! Yes, yes, yes! God yes! Oh! (panting) Deeper, deeper, deeper... Oh, oh, OH!

(as she is panting and moaning, her breasts slap against the shower door. They keep slapping it harder as Anthony drives deep into her.

Anthony: Umm... I don't quite know how to say this. But I think I've gotten an SUV stuck inside your cunt.

He also gets the chance to reach out and fondle one of her breasts. Pan back to Delilah, as the intensity of his cock drives itself further into her pussy.)

Delilah: (erotic screaming) Oh God! Please don't stop!

TheLameGamer: Don't you mean "Oh Odin!", you heretic.

I love you so much! I-I... (bites her lip softly, as she is going near orgasm. As Anthony drives himself deeper, she throws her head back, and screams one last pleasured scream as she cums all over his hard shaft.) Ah!

Anthony: Goddammit! The GPS keeps telling me to make a U-turn, but there's nothing but a corn field to my left!

(at the same time Delilah releases her love juices, Anthony feels that he's ready to erupt; and he does. He shoots about 15 jets of seman into Delilah.


He then pulls himself out, and cleans himself. Delilah does the same.)

(Delilah then turns the shower off, and she and Anthony step out of the shower. She grabs a towel off the rack, and uses it to dry off Anthony's body. When she's done, she gives the towel to Anthony, and starts to dry her off. He pays close attention to her lovely suculent breasts.

TheLameGamer: Geez, you're still horny? STILL? You just jizzed enough to fill a goddamn Super Soaker!

When he's finished, Delilah holds him close and gives him a deep romantic kiss. They then break the kiss.)

Anthony: That was a nice job you did in there.

Delilah: Thanks. I considered that an amorous place to have sex with.

Nicholas Cage: You don't say?

Anthony: I see. How come valkyries like you are so beautiful and feeling sexual in mind and body?

TheLameGamer: Because Odin's a horny bastard?

Delilah: Well, us valkyries have unlimited beauty and excellent sexual prowess. You shold know that by now.

TheLameGamer: Or that bullshit, whatever.

7:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(Anthony thinks about what she said, and smiles, thinking that Delilah's right.)

(switch outside the bathroom, a few minutes later. The door opens as Anthony and Delilah, now fully clothed [Delilah is still wearing her robe though]. They walked to her door, as Anthony remembers something.)

Anthony: Delilah, I almost forgot. (takes the invitation out from his pocket) This is for you. (hands it to Delilah)

Delilah: What's this?

Anthony: My medical records. Don't be alarmed, but you miiiiiight want to check yourself for genital warts.

Anthony: It's an invitation to a party I'm throwing.

Delilah: What's the occassion?

TheLameGamer: His horribly over-inflated ego.

Anthony: Oh, nothing important. Just a night with me and the girls. That's all.

Delilah: Oh. (sets the invitation down on the table) Do you have to go so early? I mean, we could have sex at a later time while you're here.

Anthony: I love to, but I got more invitations to hand out. Maybe at the party, we'll have another go at it.

TheLameGamer: He's doing this all in one day?! The combined efforts of Rasputin, Sterling Archer, Ron Jeremy and Brock Sampson wouldn't have enough testosterone to pull this kind of crap off!

(Delilah smiles, and then gives him a great big hug. With her strength, that would've crushed him to death, but she let him go easy.

TheLameGamer: Pussy. She could've just killed him and spared us all the misery.

She then releases him, as he now stands dizzying from the hug. He shakes his head to clear himself.)

Anthony: Thanks. (as he is walking towards her door) Don't forgot to wear something sexy at the party, Del. Ciao. (opens the door, then leaves)

(Delilah blows a kiss to him, as the motor from his car starts and he drives off. Delilah then sits down, and opens the envelope. As she reads the invitation, it's obvious that he forgot to mark it as a regular party, but an all out orgy. Delilah notices that, and puts the invitation away. From her expression, she is shocked that he invited her to an orgy. But then she develops a grin, knowing that she was sexy enough to be invited, and accepts the invite to his orgy.)

TheLameGamer: She's probably gonna be bummed when she finds out that 95% of her time at this orgy will be spent waiting to get fucked by this douchebag. No homo, but this orgy seriously needs more dicks.

(hours later, Anthony is still driving to his next girl. Minutes later, he arrives at the front yard of the next woman's house. He recognizes the house as the home of Hello Nurse, who is also from Animaniacs. He gets out of his car, and starts walking to her door. As he gets there, and before he knocks on the door, he sees a note on the front door. He takes it off, and reads it. We hear Hello Nurse's voice as he reads the letter.)

Nurse: Realized what kind of fanfic I was in. Left for Canada yesterday. Hope your balls fall off. Go die in a fire.

Hello Nurse: (voice-over) "Anthony, go into my house, and sit on a black chair. I'll be with you in a few. Love, Nurse."

TheLameGamer: Nice try Anthony, but I've seen Archer. I know that this can only end with a skintight bondage suit and a vibrating eggplant.

(Anthony shrugs, then opens the door. He does notice that the door was unlocked, but he still goes in anyway. As he walks inside, he puts the note down near a table. He then sees a black chair in the living room. Thinking that it's the one Hello Nurse told him to sit, he goes over to the chair, sits on it, and waits. All of a sudden, he feels his legs are shackled on the chair, and the floor under the chair opens up. As he notices this, the chair starts to go down inside the floor.

TheLameGamer: This is an oddly elaborate plan just to get into someone's pants. I'm guessing that he wants to keep true to Animaniacs's wacky nature, but I'd rather forget that something I hold as a comedic icon is being used for such shameless means.

7:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The floor closes as he comes in. Switch to him on the chair, having the downward ride of his life. He then comes to a complete stop as the chair lands in a dark. As Anthony gets himself, he hears a voice from inside the room.)

Voice: (seductively) Welcome to my playroom, Anthony.

(Anthony then opens his eyes to see Hello Nurse standing in front of him, wearing her regular uniform, looking buxom as usual. He then looks around the room to see many sexy pictures of her on the walls,

TheLameGamer: Well, I'm glad that Anthony isn't the only narcissist in this story.

and a white silk bed with white curtains. He looks back at her, and gulps nervously.)

Anthony: (nervous) Um, what are you doing Nurse?

Hello Nurse: (walking over to him sexually) Taking care of you. (as she is walking towards him, she starts undoing her uniform and throws it on the floor. She is wearing white corset lingerie minus panties under the uniform.) I'll take care of everything!

TheLameGamer: Holy shit, is she actually gonna kill him? The more I read, the more Nurse seems like some sort of deranged serial killer.

(she stops near him, and she preforms a sexy lapdance in front of him. She turns him on by carressing her breasts and running her hands through her hair. As Anthony looks on, he looks really turned on and nervous at the same time. She then walks towards him, and kneels down near the chair he's sitting at. She puts her hands on his pants, and starts to unzip them. She does the same to his boxers, thus showing her his hardened cock. She is pretty much amazed at his large length, and starts to engulf her mouth on his dick. Pan upwards to Anthony, enjoying this delicious torture from Hello Nurse.)

TheLameGamer: At least the word "torture" fits in this scenario, because I'm pretty sure this can only end in homicide.

Anthony: (enjoying it) Oh, Nurse! Please keep giving me your taste test while you say "aah"! Oh... baby! Continue the treatment!

Spider-Man: That comment was so bad, it gave me cancer!

(Hello Nurse does as he pleased, and continues her work. As she continues sucking on his hard member, Anthony can feel the adreniline in his system as she continues the treatment. She then moves her blonde hair out of the way, then continues her job. Anthony then moves his head and grunts as he starts to explode inside her mouth.

Anthony: You bitch! If I'm going down you're going down with me! Dick C4, ACTIVATE!

Hello Nurse trys to swallow his cum, as most of it is near her throat. When he's finished, she rises up, and swishes her hair back and looks at him seductively.)
Hello Nurse: (erotically) Wow. I never knew your thermomator would leave me breathless.

TheLameGamer: Thermomator? Atnony pls.

Anthony: Well, it's like that sometimes. Now if you don't mind-

Hello Nurse: (erotically, she pushes him back in the chair) We're not through! I still have to give you a little of my sexual healing. (she puts a foot on the chairarm near his arm)

TheLameGamer: This will not end well. How do you make a sexual partner sound so much like a goddamn psycho killer?

Anthony: (confused) Um, Nurse. How am I going to eat you out while I'm strapped on here?

Hello Nurse: (erotically) Oh, you're not gonna eat me out... (trails off as she places herself on Anthony's lap.) you're gonna fuck me, as I rip your organs out. (gets close to his face) What do you say?

Anthony: (nodding) Let's do it.

(Hello Nurse smiles, as she starts to lower herself down on his penis. She rocks a bit to keep her vagina in place. She then takes her buxom breasts out of her corset, and presents them to him.)

Hello Nurse: (erotically) Don't forget to suck on my tits while you're at it.

TheLameGamer: Fuck you Anthony, I'm running out of Oedipus jokes!

7:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: I won't forget, Nurse.

(Hello Nurse smiles, as she starts to breathe lowly due to his large length. She then starts to ride him in a steady pace. As she continues to ride him, she starts to moan lowly as she pummels herself down on his meat.

TheLameGamer: So she's beating the shit out of herself while she's fucking him? How do you do rape imagery this badly? Using a thesaurus does not make your smutty garbage sound smarter. In this case, it made it far worse.

She continues moaning as she holds on to the chair arms for support. She then goes faster as Anthony places his hands on her hips. Hello Nurse then leans her head back and carresses her breasts as she continues their mating.

TheLameGamer: Apparently they're trying to have children now. Given that we didn't have the ever so sexy "Are you on the 'birth-control type' pill" conversation before this scene, I'm just going to assume this ends with a shotgun wedding, a miserable divorce, and lots of alimony.

Anthony thinks it's a remeinder to suck her breasts, so he puts his head on her left breast and proceeds to suck on it. Nurse then lets go of them and holds herself back on the chair's arms as Anthony continues to suck on her breasts.)

Hello Nurse: (moaning as Anthony continues to mate) Oh Anthony! Oh Anthony! Keep it up! Uhn! (moans lower) Oh, give me your love medicine and call me in the morning! Oh, oh, OH!

TheLameGamer: Stop it! Only Robert Palmer is allowed to make these kinds of innuendos!

(Anthony does as he is told, as he and Hello Nurse continue to mate into oblivion. She swings her head back, as her hair swings like a mane. She then grabs his head, and gives him a deep romantic kiss as they continue mating. As they kiss, Anthony feels that he is about to ejaculate, but stays in the kiss. Seconds later, he shoots 20 loads of semen inside the buxom nurse's body.

TheLameGamer: I can only assume that Anthony is a withered husk by this point. No one has enough protein or water in their bodies to keep doing this ridiculous shit!

As that happens, Hello Nurse releases her kiss, and leans way back from him. She is pretty flexible if you must know. As she does that, it's her turn to go into orgasm as she gives out one last scream of passion. She then catches her breath, and she reaches for her uniform as Anthony catches his breath. She grabs her uniform, and with Anthony's help, positions herself back up. She then puts her arms around his neck, while holding on to her uniform.)

Hello Nurse: (content) Thanks, Anthony. Do you see a leaver near this chair?

7:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: No.

Hello Nurse: Well, close your eyes, and I'll take you back up.

Mr. Bean: If you know what I mean.

(Anthony does as he is told, and closes his eyes. She then plants a deep, romantic kiss on his lips. As they continue the kiss, Hello Nurse sneaks her hands toward the right side of the chair, and pulls a leaver. What Anthony doesn't notice is that the chair is moving up as they continue their liplock. Seconds later, they are back in her living room, and they break the kiss.)

Anthony: (looks around) We're back in your living room.

TheLameGamer: Captain Obvious! To the rescue!

Hello Nurse: I know. (gets off him, and puts her uniform back on) I have to get ready for work, Anthony. I just wanted a little fun before I care for my patients.

Anthony: Oh. (remembers something as he readjusts his pants) I almost forgot. (goes into his pocket to take out the invitation. He gives it to Hello Nurse.)

Hello Nurse: (confused, as she receives the invitation) What's this?

Anthony: It's an invitation. It's for a party I'm throwing tonight. I would like to have you there.

Hello Nurse: (smiles) It's nice. Thanks. Let me find the time to leave early at the hospital. I mean sure, dying patients might need my assistance, but fuck that, I'm getting laid!

Anthony: Alright. (as he walks to her door) Don't forget to wear something sexy at the party. I'll see you there, Nurse.

(Hello Nurse blows him a kiss as he leaves her house. As we hear him drive off, we see Hello Nurse taking the invitation out of the envelope. She sits down on her couch and reads the invite Anthony had given to her. She then develop a seductive smile on her face as she reads it. She then tosses it away on the table. The camera takes a view of it, revealing that she read the orgy part that Anthony forgot to get rid of.

TheLameGamer: So now he's not even telling them that he wants them at an orgy. This sounds like rape waiting to happen.

Judging from Nurse's smile, she doesn't mind. Fade out.)

End of Chapter 2

Lana: You good?

Archer: (breaths fast and heavy) RAMPAAAAAGE!!!

7:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So what's going on everybody? I don't have much to do tonight, so let's look at more deranged wet dreams of a man who clearly needs to be kept in a cellar far away from any social contact. So if you didn't hate this guy enough already, would you believe he once compared Chris Chan to Saddam Hussein? I shit you not people. Our friend Anthony here is not only an egotistical jack-off, he's also thicker than a titanium brick. It honestly explains why his porn is worse than something a teenager would write in their spiral during passing period. This is another chapter of Anthony's self-indulgent masturb-piece, The World's Luckiest Guy.

Chapter 4: Alien Vs. Sexual Predator
The World's Luckiest Guy

TheLameGamer: Nope, still ain't me. And if any of you are still alive due to a failed suicide attempt, then it ain't you either.

by Anthony LoGatto

rated NC-17

TheLameGamer: Wouldn't "X" be a more appropriate rating? There are NC-17 films that aren't porn you know.

Chapter 3: Donna Dahl & Yankee Poodle

TheLameGamer: So yeah, I did some quick research and found nothing about this Donna Dahl outside of this fanfic, so I assume she's someone's shitty OC. As for Yankee Poodle...

(picture of Yankee Poodle)

TheLameGamer: So yes, if you survived the aneurysm you no doubt just suffered. That is Yankee Poodle, a DC superhero from the Titans franchise that no one has given a shit about since the 80's. Apparently she wasn't even good enough for Teen Titans Go! Geez, that's gotta hurt...

Written: 5-18-02 Finished: 5-30-02

(we open the third chapter with Anthony stopping at another girl's house. Cut to his POV, as he looks at a picture of a curvy cutie of a dalmation with long black hair.

TheLameGamer: Look author, I know you must be super busy diddling your dick, but could you at least attempt to make your fuck material seem appealing. There is literally nothing here but "hot with big boobs" as the characteristics for every character you boink. I feel like I'm in a goddamn time-loop because everything is the same boring, undescriptive shit. This is why I'm convinced that no one else could've masturbated to this... right?

Cut away from his POV, as he puts the picture of the girl back in his pocket, and walks over to her door. When he gets there, he knocks on her door. He then hears the woman's voice from inside.)

Woman (Dalmation): It's open.

(Anthony then goes into the woman's house. Switch to inside, as he enters. He then looks around to see where she is. As he looks around, he sees her in the kitchen, eating dinner a little early. Her dinner is macaroni & cheese.

TheLameGamer: Aww, but she'll spoil her appetite for the cocktail weenie she'll no doubt be eating later...

The girl's looks match that of the photo Anthony held up earlier. The dalmation is Donna Dahl, one of the girls from the art of Josh Roesch. He greets her.)

Anthony: Hiya, Donna.

Donna: Hiya, Anthony. What brings you here?

Anthony: I'm a whore. Doing whore things.

Anthony: Oh, just hangin'. What'cha eating?

Donna: Macaroni & cheese.


Anthony: Isn't it a little early to have that? Wouldn't you rather have some salami?

Donna: (as she is eating) I felt like it. Besides, it helps my figure.

TheLameGamer: Because in bullshit fanfic land, there is no fat outside of the tits and ass. Beer guts and granny wings are just a myth!

Anthony: Oh. Alright. (pulls up a chair and sits next to her) So Donna, anything you like to talk about?

Donna: (stops eating) As a matter of fact, I do. I actually need your help. (pushes herself from the table and stands up.) Follow me. (she walks away, and Anthony then follows her.)

11:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: Um Donna, exactly what is it you need help with?

Donna: I accidentally killed the last wannabe gigolo who showed up here. Take this hacksaw. I've got the legs and torso, you get the arms.

Donna: Well, I'm going to a friend's wedding this weekend, and I need your advice. (as she says this, they enter her room)

Anthony: (nervous) Well, if you're gonna try whatever dress you're putting on, I could turn away until you're finished.

TheLameGamer: He said, while wanking his cock hard to his fucked-up fantasies.

Donna: (as she fumbles through her closet) Don't worry. (founds what she is looking for, a black party dress. She shows it to Anthony.) Would this dress be perfect for me at the wedding?

Anthony: Well, you look perfect in anything, Donna.

Donna: (sets the dress down) Really?

Anthony: (nods) Yep.

Donna: Good, because I'm cosplaying as Benito Mussolini for a convention next week, and as long as you think it's okay...

Donna: (smiles seductively) Even in my birthday suit?

Anthony: (doesn't know what she really meant) Um, I haven't seen you in your birthday suit. Where is it?

TheLameGamer: Uh-oh! I smell shenanigans!

Donna: (giggles) Right here. (with that, she starts to take off her black tank top and her jean shorts. She didn't bother with the bra and panties. She stands there showing off her voluptious nude body at Anthony. Pan towards Anthony, who feels like he's gonna get a nosebleed.)

Anthony: (realizes what she really meant) Woah.

Donna: (walks over to him, and puts her arms around his neck) (erotically) Do you like what you see?

TheLameGamer: He'd probably enjoy it more if you started titfucking some completely arbitrary object.

Anthony: (lowly) Yeah.

Donna: (erotically) Then kiss me. (she moves her lips towards Anthony, and she gives him a deep romantic kiss. Anthony responds back by carressing her back. They then hold each other, and fall on her bed. They start to caress each other as they continue their kiss.)

(Anthony then starts to break the kiss, and trails his kisses on her body downwards. Donna starts to breathe in anticipation as he trails down her body. He then reaches his destination; her pussy. He takes a look at her black pubic hair and sniffs in her musky aroma.

(Jim Carrey is disgusted by their actions)

Jim Carrey: Gee, nothing gets me harder than stinky vaginas.

He then starts to put his tounge in, and starts to give her vaginal sex. Pan to Donna, as she quickly shuts her eyes, and moans lowly as Anthony licks her insides.)

Donna: (moans erotically) Ooooooh.... that feels oh so nice. I love it when you pleasure me like that. Mmm. Keep at it.

TheLameGamer: Another misinterpretation of vaginal sex, followed by more porn dialogue you couldn't pay anyone to say. Anthony, are you just destined to fail?

(kneads her breasts together as Anthony then starts to eat her out. She tenderly carresses his head with her right hand. Just as she is going into orgasm, he moves his head out of her pussy and goes in front of her face. She opens her eyes to see him, but feels dissapointed.) Why did you stop?

TheLameGamer: Because he only cares about himself?

Anthony: Well, I decided to have a taste of Donna's doubles. (eyes her curvacous breasts) Would you mind?

Donna: (smiles seductively) Not at all.

TheLameGamer: Shitty porn dialogue, misunderstanding of sex, and Oedipal tendencies. A-Log has himself a Triforce of fail, that can be used to describe every story he's ever written.

(Anthony smiles and starts to lick her right breast and gropes her left breast. She rolls her head back on the pillow and breathes harder as Anthony gives her breasts a good treatment. She then guides her hands down to his jeans and softly carress his near erect cock to get him hard. He senses this, and stops what he is doing. He sits up on his knees as Donna starts to seat herself up, showing him her breasts, and breathes hard.)

11:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: So, anything else you like to do?

Donna: (erotically) Well, (licks her lips) since I'm a dalmation, I would like a drink from your firehose. (crawls on all fours towards Anthony) I bet you can stop a little five-alarm flame like me.

TheLameGamer: Oh wait, I forget the oodles of unfunny puns and innuendos this douche-canoe uses. I guess I can't use my Triforce comparison anymore.

Anthony: (chuckles) Give it your best shot, Donna.

(Anthony leans back, as Donna starts to unbuckle his jean belt, and takes down his jeans and his boxers, springing free his erection. She marvels at its length and smacks her lips with famine.

(Squidward doesn't care)

Squidward: Famine. Because you just couldn't make sex seem more unappetizing.

She then sticks her tougne out and licks the head of his shaft. Pan up to Anthony, leaning his head back, as Donna licks his member. Pan back down to Donna as she starts to engulf her mouth on his shaft and starts to suck. Switch to a view of her hips as she starts to gyrate her ass and wags her tail

TheLameGamer: At this point I think we've confirmed that this guy is just into straight bestiality. I mean aside from calling a Cat sexy, he just sexualized tail-wagging. This just can't get worse...

as the camera pans foward to the right as she does some gyration like push-ups as she bobs her head up and down, consuming his "woodrow,"

(Woodrow Wilson looks on unimpressed)

Woodrow Wilson: My big, fucking mouth!

stopping at her head. Switch to Anthony, still enjoying this delicious torture. Switch back to Donna taking her mouth off his cock, just as he was going to discharge.)

TheLameGamer: This has to be the most disgusting sex terminology I've seen used in a fanfic. Discharge? That's fucking nasty. Although, given the amount of girls he's been fucking I wouldn't doubt he has some problems with discharge.

Anthony: (dissapointed, but not upset) Hey. What's that for? I was about to-

Donna: (inturrupts him mid sentence) [erotically] I know. But you're not cumming unless you stick your hard cock (gestures his penis, then her vagina) into my suculent pussy and fuck me until we can't cum anymore!

Anthony: Time to live up to my family name and face Full-Life Cumsequences!

(Anthony smiles as Donna smiles back and lays down on the bed. Anthony still has his jeans on, which gives him a chance to reach into his pocket. He then takes out one of his many condoms, rips the cover off, checks to make it secure, and puts it on his cock. He then positions himself on Donna.)

Donna: (erotically) You know I'll be taking the pill, so why are you still doing me with condoms?

TheLameGamer: She's telling him about her birth control erotically? And I thought My Immortal was bad with adverbs...

Anthony: (as he positions himself) You can never be too careful when sex is involved. (holds her left hand up, and kisses it. He sets it back down.) Ready?

(Donna nods her head in anticipation. Anthony smiles, and he moves his length inside her pussy. As he shoves it in her, Donna moans in ecstasy as her vaginal walls take in his huge length. Anthony looks down to make sure she's alright. Donna nods as if saying that she's fine. He smiles, and starts to thrust hardly inside her body. As Anthony humps his dalmation dame, Donna breathes hardly as he goes in and out of her body, pounding her vagina hard.)

TheLameGamer: Can we just skip to the climax? This isn't anything that's new to this story...

Donna: (screaming erotically) Oh yes, Anthony! Fuck me! Oooohhh.... (she reaches her legs, and wraps them around Anthony's hein-den.

Twilight Sparkle: The fuck?!...

With her strength, she uses her legs to push him farther into her insides.) Give me more! Give me MORE!

(Anthony does as he is told, and with her help, continues pounding her into oblivion. Neither he and Donna had any release yet, but they are working their way up to that point.

Yoda: Say, you don't?

11:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The camera takes a shot of her breasts swaying with the motion, and then of her face, as she biting her lip and breathing hard for the enitiable is coming.

TheLameGamer: Nope. I just think this got stupider. I couldn't even interpret that last sentence...

Anthony continues humping her, as he is also nearing climax. Anthony grunts as he releases his semen into the condom. Although she is protected by the condom, Donna still feels the sexual feeling in her walls, and releases one last scream of passion as her cum splashes on his shaft. They are now breathing hard from the feeling as Anthony pushes himself out of Donna's love tunnel and collapse next to her.)

Donna: (catches her breath) That was wonderful, Anthony.

TheLameGamer: That's a contender for the biggest fucking lie told in this story. Wonderful is far from any word I'd describe this with...

Anthony: (catches his breath) Thanks. You didn't do so bad yourself. (takes the condom off and disposes it. He then fixes his jeans up.) By the way, (takes out an envelope, and hands it to her.) this is for you.

Donna: What's this?

Anthony: A death sentence.

Anthony: It's an invitation to a party I'm throwing. It's a little get together with me and the girls.

Donna: Oh. When's the party?

Anthony: Tonight. I just couldn't wait for the weekend. I know you have plans.

TheLameGamer: How he plans to fuck 20+ women, and then partake in a massive orgy all in one day never ceases to baffle me. I mean there's suspension of disbelief, then there's just fucking logic in the ass.

Donna: Oh. Well, at least I would have something else before I go to the wedding.

Anthony: Good. (rises off her bed)

Donna: Are you going to give out more invitations to the other girls?

Anthony: Yep. (kisses her on her forehead) I'll see you tonight, Donna. Don't forget to wear something sexy at the party. (walks off and leaves her bedroom.)
(as Anthony leaves, Donna is reading the invitation. As she reads it, she gets to the part where it mentions about the orgy. Sensing that Anthony will have sex with her as well as the other girls, she grins, and eyes her closet. She knows what she'll wear to turn him on at the orgy, and giggles to herself.)

TheLameGamer: I'm no feminazi, but I'm sure I can say without fear of backlash that the way this author portrays women is un-fucking-acceptable. I mean this goes far beyond basic objectification and lust.

(fade in as Anthony drives up to another house, where an American flag is present near the door. As he walks up to the door, he hears some noise from the inside. He rings the doorbell, and waits for someone to respond. The door then opens, and we see another woman. This woman is a beautiful french poodle, wears purple glasses, and flaunts a healthy figure, including good bust size, similar to Delilah's; busty. She is wearing excercise clothes and a headband decked out in stars & stripes. She is obviously sweating because she was just working out to an excercise video as we hear Michael Sembello's "Maniac" playing nearby.

TheLameGamer: Speaking of sweat. How does Anthony not smell like total ass yet? I mean I know he showered in the last chapter, but he only cleaned his cock. Certainly, after about the third woman he'd reek to a point where he'd be unfuckable.

This is Rova Barkitt, aka Yankee Poodle, star reporter and member of the superhero group, The Zoo Crew. Her looks come from the Brothers Grinn renditon, not Scott Shaw!'s.)

TheLameGamer: There's this Brothers Grinn guy again. Apparently, this furry can't get enough of whatever he puts out. I swear, if your fic is so self-indulgent to the point where we have to do research to know who's involved, then it's time for a re-write.

Yankee Poodle (Rova Barkitt): Hey Anthony.

12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: Hiya, Yankee. Why are you sweating like crazy?

TheLameGamer: Didn't you just say it was obvious why she was sweating? Then again, our "hero" didn't understand what a fucking birthday suit was.

Yankee Poodle: Oh, that. Before you came, I was working out to this excerise video. Thanks for letting me rest, though.

Anthony: Oh. Well, sorry to interrupt you, Yankee. (turns to leave, but she then grabs his arm)

Yankee Poodle: No need for that, Anthony. I don't mind. Please come in.

TheLameGamer: Well, no doubt he'll be doing so in just a moment... HURR HURR!

(Anthony shrugs and follows her in her home. As he closes the door, Yankee goes back into her excercises, as Anthony is beginning to watch her do her stuff.)

Anthony: (nervous, as if not to offend her) Um, can I watch you excercise?

Weird Al Yankovic: I know that you
Don't know me very well
We've barely met
But I can surely tell
No one will ever
Love you like I do

I like to feel
The warm spot on your chair
Sometimes I drool
And usually I stare
My precious one
I saved that gum
That you threw in the garbage

You're the one I dream about
But the only question with me now
Is, "Do I creep you out?"
Everytime I shake your hand now
Wanna stick your fingers in my mouth
Well do I creep you out?

Call you every night and hang up
Gonna carve your name in my leg
In my leg, oh oh!

Somethin' I should ask about
Can I sniff the pit-stains on your blouse?
And do I creep you
Do I creep you out?

(Your restraining order's out)
(Still the only question with me now)
Oh the only question
(Is, "Do I creep you out?")
Is "Do I creep you out?"

Know exactly where you live now
Follow you from work right to your house
Well, do I creep you out?
Do I creep you out?

Yankee Poodle: (as she starts again) Sure, why not? It's nice of someone to watch me excercise.

TheLameGamer: If by "nice" you mean "fucking scary" then yes, it is.

(Anthony nods in agreement, and sits on her couch. As he does so, Yankee goes back into working out with the excercise. She does jumping jacks, jogs-in-place, and streches in front of him as she has her back is away from him. Anthony looks on, mesmerized by Yankee's movements, taking it as a turn on.)

Anthony: Um, can I excercise with you?

TheLameGamer: Jacking off isn't exercise.

Yankee Poodle: (as she is streching) Of course. I do need someone to excercise with.

(Anthony stands up, and joins in. Unknown to Yankee, he isn't really excercising, since he is behind her. He does try his best though. As she continues excercising, doing some knee thrusts, she looks back, and smiles. As he is excercising, she then moves back, making contact with her backside and his crotch. Anthony looks on shocked as Yankee strokes her booty on his crotch. She then bumps him back on the couch, and prepares to do a sexy lapdance while excercising.

TheLameGamer: These are some incredibly loose definitions of exercise. If sex counted as cardio, then people in relationships wouldn't need to hit the gym.

Judging from her gyrations, she is very good with a body that won't quit. She turns around to face him, again lapdancing. Minutes later, she turns around, and turns the TV off. She then walks seductively to Anthony, and sits on his lap.)

Yankee Poodle: (seductive) Why don't I give you a workout you'll never forget?

Anthony: (smiles wide) Sure! I think a little sexercise can work out our private parts!


(they then start to kiss each other passionatley. At the same time, Anthony guides his hand under Yankee's tank top to carress her breasts, while another hand strokes her white hair. Yankee then breaks the kiss, and takes the tank top off, showing off her breasts to Anthony.)

12:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: (amazed) Wow Yankee! You sure know how to work out!

TheLameGamer: If she worked out her breasts, wouldn't they be smaller? Oh, who am I kidding, logic has no place in a hell like this.

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) I know. (pushes Anthony off the couch and gets on top of him) Let us start off with a little (winks) tounge excercise, shall we?

Anthony: Let's shall.

Derpy: Can you say that for me again? Only this time less stupid?

(Yankee starts to put her breasts on Anthony's face. He then starts to lick her bountiful bosom, as Yankee does some push-ups to tease him. She moans while Anthony sucks her breasts as she does her sexual push-up. To tease him more, she shakes her breasts on him, slapping his face. She then sits up, and catches her breath, as Anthony takes off his shirt.)

TheLameGamer: Push-Up Tittyslapping. This is real. This is someone's fetish. Someone wanted to sexualize shit you do at the gym.

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) You like my breasts?

Anthony: Yep.

TheLameGamer: Asking a straight guy if he likes breasts is kind of a redundant question. I can only assume that Anthony wants to pad the word count like he pads his underpants.

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) Well, you can have more later. Let's continue our sexcercise, shall we?

Anthony: Sure. What's next? Naughty Trunk Twists? Watersport Jumping Jacks? A BDSM Sit-Up Contest?

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) Well, (notices his erection) I seem to have risen your John Hancock, no? (Anthony nods) Well, (moves downward, and starts to take off his jeans.) I want to do my part of our sexcercise by giving you a little head job while I work on my mouth and neck muscles.

Anthony: By all means, Yankee.

(Yankee smiles as she takes off his jeans and boxers to free his erection. As his shaft pops free, Yankee marvels at its size and length. Giggling to herself, she then puts her mouth on his penis, and begins to give him oral sex.

TheLameGamer: Don't you mean "penile sex", Anthony?

Cut to Anthony, moaning and breathing as Yankee works out with her mouth muscles. Minutes later, she starts with her neck muscles as she bobs her head up and down to get more of his 6".

TheLameGamer: Because "inches" is just such a chore to type.

Anthony helps her out by grabbing her head, and let him do the bobbing for her, so to speak. Just as Anthony was going to blow, Yankee takes his fully erect shaft out of her mouth.)

Anthony: Again? That's twice in one day. Have something else in mind?

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) Well, if you want me to continue our workout, I want you to give me a counting lesson.

Anthony: (confused) Counting less- (realizes what she meant) Oh, a 69?

Yankee Poodle: Very good Anthony! You get a gold star, and first pick of the toys during playtime!

Yankee Poodle: (as she takes off her aerobic shorts) Right on. I can work out my hips as I face fuck you while you suck on my love canal. What do ya say?

TheLameGamer: Nice to see that Anthony still loves his vaguely homoerotic euphemisms.

Anthony: Of course, babe! Give that patriotic poon to me!

(Yankee moves towards Anthony's face, turns around, and sets her vagina on top of his face. Anthony then starts to eat her out. As he does that, Yankee sets herself down to his cock. She starts to lick, suck, and softly bite his 6" tool. Anthony then guides his hand down her body to grope one of her breasts. Yankee stops what she's doing, and sits up, with Anthony's hand still on her breast. She lets him continue as she starts to grind her hips against his face. Down below, Anthony still does the job by sucking on her jewel.

TheLameGamer: Okay, there is no doubt he had dicks on the brain when he was typing this...

Yankee arches back, as she is trying to control herself. But before she cums, she gets off him.)

Yankee Poodle: Stop! Stop! (catches her breath)

Anthony: What's wrong?

Yankee Poodle: I think I just realized how much of a loser you are...

12:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) Nothing, nothing. I just want to try out something.

Anthony: Like what?

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) Well, you love my breasts, right?

Anthony: I also love redundant shit that's been well established.

Anthony: Yeah?

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) And little John Hancock is still pledging alligence, so I suggest we do it.

TheLameGamer: And a proud country that has stood for over 200 years was brought to its knees by that one terrible line...

Anthony: I know. But what now?

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) Well, first (lays down) about my breasts.

Anthony: Yeah?

TheLameGamer: They're padding? Just like this completely necessary dialogue?

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) I never have someone probe their meat in between my breasts before, so I want you to be my first.

TheLameGamer: By all means, Anthony please share your terrible, disgusting innuendos with us. If you ruin sex for everyone, then no one has anything to fear when reading your stories!

Anthony: As in tit fucking?

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) That's right.

Anthony: (smiles) Well, why didn't you say so? (moves towards her, and sits himself on her stomach, letting his rod plop in between her breasts.) You ready?
Yankee Poodle: (erotically) Yes. (holds her breasts together as she sandwiches them between his cock.

TheLameGamer: Between his cock? How did they fit in there in the first place?

She then nods to him, and he starts to titty-fuck her.)

(Anthony starts to pump his cock in between her lucious mounds of flesh. As he does this, Yankee lets go, as Anthony still holds them, and with his help, takes off her glasses. He then continues his work, as Yankee helps him by squeezing her breasts together with his tool to keep him aroused. This is all that he could stand, and gives one last push as his cum splatters over Yankee's neck and breasts. When he is finished, she reaches back to get her glasses, and puts them back on.)

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) Wow. I never knew how good that felt.

TheLameGamer: It wouldn't. You got absolutely nothing out of that other than sore titties you vapid cunt.

Anthony: Yeah, it's a good feeling once in a while.

TheLameGamer: I can only assume that Anthony has given plenty of titjobs, given how large his moobs are.

Yankee Poodle: I know. (erotically) Now lay down.

Anthony: I know, missionary.

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) Well, close. But in an aerobic way.

Anthony: Missionary Playing a Doubles Tennis Match?

Anthony: (as she pushes him down) How?

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) Well... (trails off as she gets on top of him) I know you know about the girl-on-top position, right?

TheLameGamer: That's cowgirl, not missionary. You dumb fuck. I'm pretty sure someone who watches as much porn as you could get that right.

Anthony: (as he reaches for a condom nearby his jeans) Right. (puts it on)

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) (sets her pussy on his cock in a push-up position) Let's call this a sexual push-up. (shoves herself into his six inch tool) Shall we dance?

Anthony: Let's shall.

(David Bowie hits cookies up in the air)

(Yankee smiles and she starts her sexual push-ups. She sets herself down like a regular push-up, but she also gyrates her hips so she can slide in and out of his cock.

TheLameGamer: Holy shit. Another instance of male penetration. This can't be a coincidence anymore. A-Log is definitely harboring some homosexual feelings.

As she does this, sweat starts to bead down on their bodies. Yankee then quickens her pace as Anthony grabs on her back and licks her hard nipples. Just as he and Yankee were enjoying it, Anthony grabs her back and stops her.)

12:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yankee Poodle: What's wrong?

TheLameGamer: Other than everything?

Anthony: Nothing. (flips themselves over with him on top and Yankee on bottom) It's just my turn, that's all.

Yankee Poodle: (getting it) Oh, right! I s- (gets cut off as Anthony starts to fuck her as he is doing push-ups) Ah! (bites her lip)

TheLameGamer: It's hard to make sex sound like a chore, but adding push-ups to it definitely helps...

Anthony: (stops for a second) What's wrong?

TheLameGamer: Other tha-WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!

Yankee Poodle: Nothing. I just didn't expect it. Continue please!

(Anthony smiles and resumes humping her brains out and his sexual push-ups. He goes into a quick and steady pace as Yankee hardly breathes in and out. She puts her hands on his back, and grips on it. She doesn't grip hard to scratch him though. As their sexual excitement mounts, their glasses also fog up from the breathing and sweating. Anthony continues his work as Yankee pleads with him not to stop. Minutes later, they have to.

TheLameGamer: Batman showed up, and gave Anthony a Cease-and-Desist, warning him that if he ever unlawfully used a DC comics character again then Batman would shove the Batmobile up his ass.

Anthony feels Yankee's vagina clench in with his cock, squeezing him in. Seconds later, he pushes his cock way in, and releases his hot, sticky love glue in the condom. As this happens, Yankee feels herself reaching orgasm. She bites her lip as she cums all over Anthony's shaft. Anthony then drops himself on top of her, catching his breath.)

TheLameGamer: What a classy gentleman. What better way to enjoy the afterglow then falling on your partner.

Anthony: (catches his breath) Man, that was wonderful.

Yankee Poodle: (same) Always has been with you.

(Anthony smiles at her. He then reaches over to his jeans and takes out the invitation and gives it to her.)

TheLameGamer: Enjoy this moment folks, you'll only be seeing it another 14 times!

Yankee Poodle: (confused) What's this? An invitation?

Anthony: Yep. It's a night with me and the girls. You're one of them.

Yankee Poodle: Thanks. (gets suspicious) This is not a cheating game, isn't it?

TheLameGamer: That's exactly what it is. Please beat the shit out of this wannabe pimp.

Anthony: No, of course not, Yankee. (starts to get up with Yankee wrapping her legs behind him, and holds on.) But you're in it. It's like ancient Greece.

Yankee Poodle: And ancient Rome?

Anthony: Yep, we're even gonna fuck a horse. Just like Caligula!

12:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: Of course. I mean, with a handsome face like this, most girls don't mind me cheating. As long as polgymy is out of the question.

Yankee Poodle: Ha ha, go eat shit you failed abortion!

(Yankee thinks about what he said, and agrees. She then grows another amorous smile.)

Yankee Poodle: (erotically) You know, since we're in this position why don't we... (goes to whisper the rest in his ear. He smiles, and likes the idea.)

(Yankee holds on to him as he goes to the wall, and sets her there. He then starts to once again hump her brains out, by wall-fucking. Yankee is enjoying a lot more than Anthony, who is also enjoying this. This position lasts a few minutes before they cum one last time. They get their breath together and relax.)

TheLameGamer: Somehow I feel that Anthony's actual sexual experiences are even shorter than that.

(Switch to outside her home. Anthony and Yankee come out, with their clothes back on, and they walk to his car.)

Yankee Poodle: So, I'm not the only girl you'll be having tonight?

Anthony: Yep. I even invited Rita, and she doesn't mind about the orgy.

TheLameGamer: No, but human decency minds.

Yankee Poodle: Well, she is a porn star after all. I may have that look, but I'm a little uneasy, being my first orgy and all.

Anthony: (pats her backside) Don't worry. It'll be great. (hops into his car) I'll see you at the party tonight, Rova. Don't forget to wear something hot at the orgy. Later. (drives off)


Yankee Poodle: (to herself, as he drives off) Oh, you know I will. (takes a look at the invitation, and judging from her look, she doesn't mind being in an orgy. Fade out)
End of Chapter 3
Wow, so another chapter down. Just seven more to go. I honestly have become numb to the sex acts at this point. I only feel blind, seething hatred towards the "protagonist" and how much of a human shitbag he is. By the way, if anyone out there wants to mock a different story by this guy, feel free. I'm not sure I plan on doing more of this guy's work after this fic. Including one where he has sex with Elastigirl, completely missing the point of her arc in The Incredibles.

12:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So Christmas is over and now 2014 is upon us, and I can't help but feel relieved that I can finally start putting a stronger grip on my wallet and stop having to buy presents for everyone. One thing that I'm still dreading though, is returning to Mr. LoGatto's schlocky wetdream that he oh-so-proudly penned. I feel some sort of obligation to see just how far the rabbit hole goes with this fic, considering it is a competitor for the absolute worst lemon that wasn't a blatant troll. So cuddle up in your winter clothes and make sure to rid the vicinity of any dangerous objects that you could use to harm your computer or yourself.

Note: I'm not familiar with Samurai Pizza Cats, so the only information I've gathered on it was during research for this mock. So forgive me if there are some minor factual errors here and there.

Chapter 5: Sperminator 2: Jugg-ment Day
The World's Luckiest Guy

by Anthony LoGatto

Rated NC-17

Chapter 4: Josie Omitsu & Cammy

TheLameGamer: And once again, here's the synopsis on our two unfortunate female friends here. As far as I can tell Josie Omitsu is some sort of OC for Samurai Pizza Cats created by Anthony himself, while Cammy is in fact Cammy White from Street Fighter. Josie, is a "long-lost sibling" (yes, even porn-writers aren't above using that trope) to some of the canon characters of Samurai Pizza Cats, and seems to exist for no other reason then to function as a faptoy for Anthony.

Written: 6-5-02 Finished: 6-16-02

(we open the fourth chapter with Anthony driving up to the next girl's house. The house looks more oriental then local. This brings back memories of Lucille's teashop/home from Samurai Pizza Cats.

TheLameGamer: Because when I think of orgies, I think of the Samurai Pizza Cats. Particularly, an OC based on a side-character who's a kabuki sheep. Just...why?

Anthony gets out of his car, and walks over to the Omitsu home. He knocks on the door, and waits for someone to answer the door. Seconds later, Lucille's brother Wally awnsers the door.)

Wally: Yes?

Anthony: Hiya Wally. Is Josie here?

Wally: Sis?! There's some weird sexual predator at the door to see you. Do you want me to call the cops?

Wally: Yeah, but she's a little tied up.

TheLameGamer: Nope! Nope! Nopenopenope! NOPE! N! O! P! E! This better not be going where I think it is!

Anthony: How so?

Wally: (unsure) Um... (as he thinks, Josie comes into view. She looks similar to Lucille, but her hair is done like Cowboy Bebop's Faye Valentine. She is wearing a green tank-top and a black mini-skirt.)

Josie: (to Wally) What's going on, Wally? (then sees Anthony) Anthony! It's a pleasure to see you!

TheLameGamer: Wait. So how exactly was she "tied up"? Was Anthony about to turn this into incest/bondage starring two slutty OCs, but then had an attack of conscience? How gracious of you to spare us of this, in your fic that has so far included Oedipal overtones, paraphernalia, adultery and moral aloofness.

Anthony: Same here, Josie. Got a minute or two?

Josie: Sure. Let's go to my room. Come on.

TheLameGamer: So you're just going to start fucking? You don't even give a shit that your siblings are still here? Can we see at least one character in this who isn't a complete shithead?!

(Anthony follows her to her room. As they get there, they run into her sister, Lucille. She then notices Anthony.)

Lucille: Why is Anthony here?

TheLameGamer: To ruin everyone's day.

Josie: He's just here to have a little biz.

Anthony: Yeah, just to hangout.

Josie: Besides, I need some company as I change.

TheLameGamer: And what better company is there than a sweaty manchild who just wants to use you as a cum-dumpster?

11:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lucille: I know, but we're not going out shopping for the next couple of hours.

Josie: Let's just say, I need to accessorize before I go.

TheLameGamer: SUBTLE!

(opens up her door, and walks in. Anthony walks in with her.)

Lucille: Why is he going in with you?

Josie: It's just for a little biz. Don't worry, Lucille. We'll be out. Also because I'm a bigger whore than your average Facebook user.

(closes the door, and walks past Anthony.) So Anthony, what are you here for?

Anthony: Oh, I was just in the neighborhood and I was planning a little party tonight. A party celebrating my micropenis!

Josie: (as she walks towards her closet, with her back towards Anthony.) Uh-huh.

Anthony: It's a girl's night out with me, and I was wondering if you have time to come?

Josie: Oh, (as she fumbles through her closet, she bends over, and gives him an eyeful. She is wearing a lime green thong under her mini-skirt.) I have some time to spare.

TheLameGamer: Fun Fact; Upon doing research for this chapter, I discovered that Anthony believed that this "original character" would be best voiced by one of his high-school classmates.

Ron Burgundy: Stay Classy!

TheLameGamer: If you're contemplating suicide right now, I won't hold it against you...

Anthony: (eyes wide open) You're sure?

Josie: Yes. (looks back, and sees that Anthony is gawking at her. She smiles seductively to herself.)

TheLameGamer: Look, I know we have people out there who like to have a lot of sex. But is there really anyone out there, even in porn, who enjoys being made into an object to be collected by some greasy loser? Please hesitate to tell me.

(seductively) In fact, (trails off as she turns herself around, and lays down on her bed, spreading her legs away.) I have some time now.

(Anthony smiles as Josie smiles back. She gestures him with a finger curl to come over to her. He does as she commands, and gets on top of her. She then plants a deep, romantic kiss on his lips. They carress each other while they're in their liplock. Josie guides her hand down to his crotch, and she starts to carress his cock.

TheLameGamer: All the while, her younger siblings are mere feet away. Most likely hearing every word of this shitty dialogue.

Anthony then guides his hand down towards her thigh, and carresses her sweet ass under her mini-skirt. They then break the kiss.)

Josie: (eroitcally) You want to take my skirt off?

TheLameGamer: You know, during sex, you usually don't ask if it's time to start undressing. You just kind of do it. I mean even an abstinent nun would know this. This is like what an alien on drugs would write if he was assigned to describe the mating habits of “humans”.

Anthony: Yeah.

(they get their hands off each other and Anthony starts to slowly take off her mini-skirt. As he does that, Josie pulls her tank top off her body, exposing her raw, busty breasts. When he's finished, Josie is naked except for her thong.)

Anthony: Wow. You look better when you're not doing porn.

TheLameGamer: Wow, is it possible for this guy to write an OC that isn't a massive slut?

Josie: (erotically) Always has been. (cradles her breasts) Now give my tits a good treatment.

(Anthony nods, as he holds Josie, and starts to suck on her right breast. Josie moans as Anthony licks, sucks, and softly bites her nipple.

TheLameGamer: What the fuck? All these sex scenes are just blending together. Every damn time, it's Oedipal titsucking. I can only assume this is followed with a blowjob then some random sex position, much like every single chapter beforehand.

As he goes to the left breast, Josie carresses his face softly. She then guides her hand down, and caresses his crotch again. She even went far as to unzip his jeans. Sensing this, Anthony quickly takes his mouth off her hardened nipples.)

11:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: I see you want a taste of the good stuff, eh?

Josie: (erotically) Yeah. (takes off his shirt for him) You know, I've been thinking of letting you be a part of my movies.

TheLameGamer: Why? The amount of people who would be willing to fap with him in the picture is limited to 1. Himself. That's not exactly a good profit margin.

Anthony: Didn't you ask before?

Josie: (erotically) Well, yes. Too bad about your image in comedy, though. Has Rita asked you the same question?

TheLameGamer: Oh yes, that's right! A-Log has it ingrained in his mind that he's fucking hilarious. That's why in this fic he has an "image in comedy". Quite frankly, I'd embed a video of A-Log's stand-up routines but it's far too torturous for even PA's tastes. But if you're feeling masochistic, you can look it up on YouTube.

Anthony: She has. What's wrong, jealous?

Josie: (erotically) (as she pulls his jeans down) Not at all. I've been with Rita whenever Swing Shift asked me to join in from Xtacee. So I don't mind. I guess she wants more from you.

Anthony: A lot, if you ask me.

TheLameGamer: Why? The sex in this fic goes above and beyond what most porn movies could manage. If porn is still different from regular sex in this universe I can only imagine that penises turn into lightsabers and that vaginas become big enough to drive semi-trucks through.

(Josie looks up and giggles as she starts to pull down his boxers, setting free his 6" shlong. She smiles as his length waves in front of her.)

Josie: (erotically) (grabs it) You know, you should give little Anthony an upgrade. I'm thinking laser sights and a homing device.

Anthony: I've been thinking about adding two more inches.

TheLameGamer: Look, if you're going to do a dumb sex fantasy at least go all out and make the thing multiple feet long. That way, I can laugh at how much you're compensating for, instead of laughing at the fact that you consider 6 inches "massive".

(Josie smiles at his humor, and then engulfs his penis. She starts to suck it like a lollypop with the experience she has. Anthony jerks his head back and moans as Josie gives him this delicious ecstasy.

TheLameGamer: Just then Josie's dealer bursts through the door with a double-barrel shotgun, knowing that she had stolen his ecstasy stash and given it to this ludicrously dumb manchild.

Josie then goes to the extreme, as she goes into deep throat, licking his shaft at the same time. Seconds later, Anthony doesn't stand much longer, and holds Josie's head as she blows him. He starts to shoot jet after jet after jet of semen into her mouth. She then takes her mouth off it, being careful not to get a facial too early.)

TheLameGamer: With the ridiculous amounts of semen this guy produces throughout the fic, I'm pretty sure that a facial constitutes "attempted drowning".

(She then rises back up and faces Anthony.)

Josie: (erotically) You have a very tasty rod, Anthony.

Marik: But does it allow you to control an army of Steves and cheat at children's card games?

Anthony: (smiles) That's what the other girls say.

Josie: (erotically, lays back) Now it's my turn. (hooks her thumbs on her thong) You know what to do.

(Anthony nods and gets on top of her. He helps her take off her thong, and throws it at a corner. He then smiles as he gazes at her deflowered valley. He then kneels down and starts to give Josie vaginal sex.

TheLameGamer: Once more, Anthony mistakenly refers to oral sex as vaginal sex. I'd do a counting gag, but that'd require me to pay more attention to this abortion of literature.

Pan towards Josie, jerking her head back, breathing and moaning hardly as Anthony eats her out. She then guides her hand and carresses his brown hair. She then takes her other hand to pinch the nipple on her left breast. She then moans lower as Anthony goes even farther in her. This is all that she can stand, but pushes him off her cunt before she goes into orgasm.)

11:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: (disapointed) What was that for?

Josie: I just realized something...You're a terrible person!

Josie: (erotically) Listen; I'm near my orgasm, but I don't want it to come out this way.

Anthony: You don't?

Josie: (erotically) Of course. I want you to fuck my brains out. That's how I want to cum.

TheLameGamer: You know you can do both, right? Or does Anthony have some obscure fetish about forcing women to limit the amount of orgasms they can have?

Anthony: (smiles) Your wish is my command. (rises up, and gets on top of her.)

Josie: (erotically) You don't need to worry about getting me pregnant. I'm still on the pill, remember?

Anthony: I do. (shoves his six inch shaft inside her vaginal walls. As that happens, Josie takes in a short, amorous moan. She then looks up at Anthony's blue eyes, and nods for him to go. Taking in this command, he starts his work.)

TheLameGamer: This is also the first time the author would ever use his name and work in the same sentence.

(Anthony slides his ding-dong

TheLameGamer: ding-dong?

Ed: Whoops! There it goes. Yup. My brain stopped.

TheLameGamer: Fucking really? An adult wrote this ladies and gentlemen. An adult just referred to his penis as a ding-dong.

in her insides in a slow pace, but faster with each moaning breath from Josie. Pan towards Josie, as she closes her eyes and breathes harder and lower with each thrust from Anthony. You can tell that she is enjoying this.)

TheLameGamer: Because I obviously wouldn't have guessed otherwise!

Josie: (erotic screaming) Oh yes! Yes! Yes! YES! (breathes harder) Keep doin' it! Oh, don't stop, don't stop, don't stop! UHN! AH!

TheLameGamer: Did she just turn into James Brown a second there?

(Anthony drives his cock deeper in her vagina. He then bends down and licks her erect nipples. Unknown to them, as they are having their sexual closure, the door slowly opens. In comes Lucille, unaware of what's going on, as she enters the room.)

Lucille: (enters with eyes closed) Josie, it's time to- (sees them, and let's out a startled "eep!" as she sees her sister and Anthony having sex. Hearing this, both of them come to a complete stop, and look at a blushing and embarrassed Lucille.)

(Spongebob Squarepants looks on in "shock")

TheLameGamer: I...

(Trixie looks on in "shock")


(Eric Cartman looks on, "stunned" while his mom Liane looks on in "shock")

TheLameGamer:...did not...

(Bender and friends look on in "shock")

TheLameGamer:...see this coming!

Josie: (embarrassed) (sweat drop appears on her forehead) Oops. Sorry, sis. Guess I forgot to lock the door.

TheLameGamer: Or not to do this kind of shit while your siblings are still in the house. Seriously, what the fuck?

Lucille: (not looking at their nudity, blushing) Oh, that's fine. It's that I never seen you and Anthony in this situation before. (begins to walk out of her room) I'll meet you downstairs, Josie. I hope you can find your clothes before we go. *coughSlutcough*

(leaves and closes the door. Anthony then slides himself out of Josie, and she goes to get her clothes)

Josie: Sorry about that, Anthony. I didn't know that would happen.

TheLameGamer: Then you're really not intelligent enough to reproduce. Please forfeit your ovaries at the door.

Anthony: You ain't the only one. (reaches over his jeans and takes out Josie's invitation) Don't forget this. (hands it to her)

Josie: Oh, thanks. This is for the orgy tonight, right?

Anthony: (as he puts his jeans back on) Yep. Don't worry; there'll be no interruptions.

TheLameGamer: Not if me and my blunderbuss have anything to say about it!

11:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(kisses her on the cheek, puts his shirt and glasses back on, and walks off) Don't forget to wear something hot tonight.

Josie: I won't. (blows a kiss to him as he leaves the room)

TheLameGamer: Given how dumb this bitch is, I wouldn't be surprised if she showed up wearing an electric blanket.

(fade over to minutes later. Anthony is driving in his car again to go to the next girl. He then makes a stop at the next girl's house. As he gets out, he crosses Josie's name off, then puts the paper back in his pocket. He then walks towards the girl's house. He gets by the door, and knocks. A girl then answers. She has long blonde hair that is done into two braids, and wears blue and green pajamas. Judging from her look, she's tired. This is Cammy, the London agent of Street Fighter fame. Her face-paint like scars don't lie.)

TheLameGamer: Be. Very. Afraid. Not even a fanservice-heavy fighting game female can make this story the least bit sexy.

Cammy: (yawning) Yes?

Anthony: Hiya Cammy.

TheLameGamer: Interesting way to greet a fuck buddy...same way you'd greet a friend in grade school.

Cammy: (tired) Oh, Anthony. Hi. Sorry about how I look. I just got out of bed. (yawns again)

Anthony: Oh. Sorry to disturb you. I'll come back later on. (starts to walk away, but Cammy says something to get him to stay.)

Cammy: Wait. I don't mind. I was just getting adjusted from last night. Guile was visiting last night, and he showed me an amazing Sonic Boom if you know what I mean.

Please come in.

(Anthony looks back, and smiles. He then walks by Cammy, and enters her home. Cammy walks in with him into the living room.)

Anthony: So Cammy, anything you need?

Cammy: Pants would be nice. At this point I'd even settle for a mini-skirt, anything that doesn't make me look looser than a cheerleader on prom night.

Cammy: Well, this room should use a little change. Can you kinda move the room around?

Anthony: (confused) Move the room around?

TheLameGamer: There ain't nothin' sexier than lugging a 300 lb. sofa around the room.

Cammy: You know, rearrange the place a bit?

Anthony: (gets the idea) Oh, right. I see. (clears his throat and gets ready to move the place around a bit.)
(he starts to take each of the furniture into a different spot.

TheLameGamer: Why the hell does Cammy want her furniture moved? Does she have some sort of weird psychological disorder about stationery furniture?

As he does this grueling task, Cammy looks on, with a playful smile on her face.

TheLameGamer: And why the hell is it turning her on?!

Seconds later, he sets the last piece of furnature on the ground, completing his task. He then turns to Cammy, panting and sweating. Cammy then walks towards Anthony and stops near his chest.)

Cammy: (seductively) That was a good job. Let me reward you for it.

TheLameGamer: Now audience take a wild guess. Is Anthony's reward going to be...
a. The new CD player he's been saving up for
b. $50
c. A mysterious haunted video game
d. sex

(she then kneels down, and starts to undo his jeans, and seconds later, his boxers, setting his erect cock to spring free. Anthony looks down in shock,

Anthony: WHAT?! The woman I came to solicit sex from is having sex with me?! This is just impossible!

but later turns into pleasure as Cammy puts her mouth on it and starts to give him a BJ. Cammy bobs her head as she licks and sucks on his hard prick. As she does this, Anthony guides his hands down to her head, and brushes his hand against her blond hair. Cammy spices it up by moving her mouth away and sucks the head as she jerks off the rest of his length with her hand. This is all Anthony could stand, and starts to shoot 15 jets of semen into her mouth.

TheLameGamer: I can at least get a cheap laugh by imagining that he shot 15 fighter jets filled with semen into her mouth, y'know before I proceed to slit my wrists because of the sad fact that I will never enjoy sex after reading this.

11:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cammy swallows each jet as he keeps ejaculating until he stops. She then takes her mouth off, and rises up to face him.)

Cammy: (erotically) You like that?

TheLameGamer: Well, you probably didn't considering you most likely punched yourself in the face while attempting to jerk-blow him.

Anthony: (breathing hard from his orgasm) Yeah. (wipes the sweat off his brow)

Cammy: (erotically) (unbuttons her PJ shirt) Then I hope you'll love this! (flashes her suculent breasts and throws her shirt away. She rubs them together to tittilate him further) Nice, huh?

TheLameGamer: I always thought Cammy served as more of ass fanservice, but then again I'm glad that this fic doesn't feature Anthony sucking her buttcheeks.

Anthony: (eyes wide open, mesmerized) Yeah...

Cammy: (erotically) (as she takes off his shirt for him) Why not have a taste?

TheLameGamer: Because it's literally nothing he hasn't done a bajillion ti- Oh wait that was rhetorical, wasn't it? Given how shit the dialogue's been, I was honestly expecting our "protagonist" to respond with some corny line he heard in a shoestring budget porno.

(pushes his head against her breasts, and he starts sucking on the first one. Cammy moans hard as she and Anthony set themselves down, and she takes off her pajama pants, in which she has no panties on. Anthony licks her other breast, and she keeps moaning. She then pushes him off.)

Anthony: Wow. (licks his lips) That was great. What's next?

Guile: Go home Anthony. Go home and be a family manchild.

Cammy: (erotically) Well, (sits down on her couch and spreads her legs, showing off her pussy) you can eat me out. I'm very tasty, you know?

TheLameGamer: Time for an easy joke!

M. Bison: This is delicious!

Anthony: I know so.

(he kneels down and sets his face against her vagina. He then starts to have vaginal sex.

TheLameGamer: Wouldn't be an A-Log sex scene without a complete misunderstanding of what vaginal sex entails. Seriously, what do you think he calls it when a penis actually goes into a vagina?

Switch to Cammy, screaming, breathing and moaning as Anthony eats her out. He sticks his tougne deep in her vagina and licks up her juices in the process. He does this to Cammy for a few minutes. Finally, Cammy doesn't take it any more.

TheLameGamer: So she's leaving, good because I...

She cries out his name in passion, and spills her cum on his awaiting muzzle.

TheLameGamer: Fuck!

Anthony does his best to take in her womanly cum. He then takes his mouth off, and pulls Cammy close to him.)

Anthony: You like that?

TheLameGamer: I don't know, why don't you tell the audience?

Cammy: (erotically) Yeah. (nuzzles her cheek to his face) Can you do me a favor, Anthony?

Anthony: Yeah. What is it?

Cammy: Don't tell Zangief about this, he'd never let me live it down.

Cammy: (crawls off, and turns about face, showing off her curvacous rear) I want you to fuck me. Fuck me like you bloody mean it!

TheLameGamer: I used to think Cammy was pretty sexy. After this fic, my dick retracts inside of itself whenever I load up a Street Fighter game.

(Anthony smiles wide, and reaches his jeans to take out a condom. He then puts it on, and crawls near Cammy. He then sticks in his still erect cock inside Cammy's backside. Cammy moans lowly as she takes in his length.)

Cammy: (erotically) Does your penis have to be THIS big?

TheLameGamer: It's average size for crying out loud! Any bigger and I might experience the tiniest bit of discomfort!

Anthony: Hey, it's natural. (places his hands on her hips) Ready?

TheLameGamer: Anyone wanna bet that Anthony's dick is even smaller than what he portrays it as in this story?

11:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(Cammy nods, and Anthony smiles back. He starts to slide in and out of her tunnel in a fast pace as Cammy moans lowly then loudly.)

Cammy: (erotic screaming) Oh yes! Oh bloody God, yes! Shag me hard! SHAG ME HARD!!! Crumpets! Fish n' Chips! Tea and Biscuits! John Lennon! Ahm Bri'ish in case you couldn't tell!

(Cammy then gyrates her hips to take him deeper in her vagina.

TheLameGamer: Because apparently vaginas work like funnels.

Anthony then eyes her long blond braids of hair on the ground. As he screws her, he gets a wicked idea. Letting go for a moment, he guides his hands towards her hair, and holds them in each hand. He then starts to pull them hard as he joins Cammy by gyrating his hips and pulling her braids like reins.)

TheLameGamer: What the fuck? That's just cruel dude. Usually you should ask a chick before you do something like that.

Cammy: (erotic screaming) Oh bloody hell! Oh! My hair! My hair! My... OH! Pull them harder... PULL THEM HARDER!!!!!

TheLameGamer: And of course she's into it. By the way I'd like to remind you all that Anthony mocked Chris-Chan for his fucked-up understanding of sex.

(Anthony does as she says, and this pleasurable torture continues. As she is getting pounded behind, she takes her hands off the ground, and carresses her breasts. She squeezes them harder each time she feels Anthony's cock pounding her pussy.

TheLameGamer: Her partner could've been doing this, but he's too busy causing irreparable damage to her scalp.

Anthony then feels his cock is ready to blow. He also feels Cammy's vaginal walls are closing between his shaft from the combination of doggy-style and pulling her braids. He grunts lowly as his cock shoots out his love milk, which is filling up the condom.

TheLameGamer: But is it whole love milk or 2% love milk?

As soon as he's ejaculating, Cammy also feels her orgasm drawing near. She screams his name in passion for the last time, and cums all over his shaft. With the two of them breathing lowly, Anthony pulls his shaft out, and lies near Cammy.)

TheLameGamer: He also lied about not having herpes, but that's another story.

Anthony: (catching his breath) Did you like that?

Cammy: (ditto) That was great. I never knew American men like you can have a strong sexual prowess.

(Guile gets into a fighting stance)


Anthony: Now you know. (he reaches over his jeans and takes Cammy's invitation out of his pocket. He hands it to her.)

Cammy: (receives the invitation) What's this?

TheLameGamer: A repeat of a scene, we've done at least half a dozen times?

Anthony: (as he gets his clothes back on) It's an invitation... for a party I'm throwing.

Cammy: Oh? What's it for?

Anthony: Oh, just me and the girls. Nothing wrong with that.

TheLameGamer: You know, usually if one guy went to a party with a bunch of girls, most people would assume he was gay. But why would I doubt this god of virility right here...

Cammy: Um, I see. You have to go now?

Anthony: Yeah. I have more invitations to give out. Don't forget to wear something sexy at the party. Oh, and one more thing... (kneels down, and kisses her head) sorry about the hair. I always wanted to do that. Bye.

TheLameGamer: This is just deplorable. All of it...

(walks off, and leaves. Cammy is left all alone, and she opens up her invitation. She reads it, and she goes to where it mentions an orgy. Cammy smiles, knowing that Brits have no fear of doing anything unusual. Fade out.)

End Chapter 4
Well, as the year came and went so has another chapter of "The World's Luckiest Guy". My new year's resolution is to buckle down and finish this shitburger, but we'll just have to wait and see how well I deliver on that. Anyways, since I'd hate to start off the new year on such a sour note, here's a toast to everyone who's read this so far. Thanks for reading, and congratulations on the strong constitution you have that allowed you to make it this far.

(Bender holds up an applause sign)

11:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well folks, it's that time once again. Time to dive into another fragment of Anthony LoGatto's shattered psyche! A place where we will no doubt be seeing more tit-sucking and fucking, as our "hero" somehow manages to score with even more women, despite the fact that his dick would probably have sustained some serious damage by this point. And as the dreaded orgy chapter draws nearer, I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the fact that along with my sanity my libido will be murdered by this monster of a story. Tis too late to turn back now ladies and gents, it's time for another chapter of The World's Luckiest Guy...

Chapter 6: 50 First Date Rapes
The World's Luckiest Guy

by Anthony LoGatto

TheLameGamer: So our unlucky participants in today's sexual encounter are more furry fanservice characters created by this Brothers Grinn guy, as well as some character from Battle Arena Toshinden (the fighting game that no one cares about anymore). Since I know jack shit about these characters, I don't have to worry about Anthony no doubt ruining them for me. Hooray! I'm already off to a good start!

rated NC-17

Chapter 5: The Bambi Twins & Sofia

Written: 6-16-02 Finished: 6-22-02

TheLameGamer: Wow, less than a week. That's gotta be record for this guy. I guess he didn't want to keep his non-existent fans waiting.

(the fifth chapter starts as Anthony drives over to his next girl. As he drives by, he looks over his list and has the names of Rouge, Rita, Delilah, Hello Nurse, Donna, Yankee Poodle, Josie, and Cammy crossed off.

TheLameGamer: The bombs he planted in their houses had no doubt gotten rid of them.

He then stops near the next girl's house. As he walks out of his car and to the front door, he looks at the list again and knows that he will have more fun. He then comes over and knocks on the door. He waits until a buxom young blond deer girl answers. She is wearing a purple bikini top and thong jean shorts.

TheLameGamer: Oh yeah, Thong Jean Shorts. Just like my Jockstrap Trenchcoat Shin-guards.

This is Tammy Bambi, one of the Bambi Twins from The Brothers Grinn's Supermegatopia web series. Tammy's the one without lipstick.)

TheLameGamer: Ain't nothing sweeter than making ugly, misguided love to a whorish rule 63 Disney character. Scratch that. A whorish rule 63 Disney character, and her clone.

Anthony: Hiya Tammy.

Tammy: Hi Anthony! It's, like, so great to see you! You can finally catch up on your child support payments!

Anthony: Likewise. Where's Tinna?

Tammy: Hm-mm-mm,

TheLameGamer: What noise was that even? It sounds like someone trying to squeeze out a massive shit.

someplace. But I can help you look for her.

Anthony: Great. Let's.

TheLameGamer: Oh Anthony, don't you mean "Let's Shall"?

(Anthony soon follows Tammy around the house looking for Tinna. Minutes later, they go up into the attic, where there is a clean mattress that has avoided the dust.)

Anthony: (eyes the mattress) What's with the mattress?

Tammy: (confused) Huh? (she then sees the mattress) Oh yeah, that. It's usually for the guests we have on a daily basis.

TheLameGamer: You have sex with people in a dingy, dirty attic on a daily basis? Why not practice more clean fetishes like coprophilia or hemophilia?

Anthony: Fanboys?

Tammy: (nods) Uh-huh. Why don't you lay down and take a load off? Aaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnd...You put the load right on me.

TheLameGamer:...That didn't sound as perverse in my head.

8:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: Sure. I do feel a bit tired. (goes towards the bed, and starts to lay down.)

Tammy: I'll go find Tinna while you're resting.

Anthony: (gets comfortable) Take your time.

TheLameGamer: She won't. If there isn't fucking in this fic every five minutes, then I'm sure the author would just explode.

(Tammy giggles as she exits the attic. Focus on Anthony as he closes his eyes. Minutes later, switch to his POV, as he starts to open his eyes. As he fully opens them, he sees both Tammy and Tinna, decked out in black leather bodysuits.)

Anthony: (eyes wide open) Woah!

Hank Hill: Bwah!

Tinna: (seductively) You like our new costumes?

Tammy: (seductively) We got these at Bardella's. Easy to fit, easy to tear, easy to repair.

Anthony: Easy-to-tear "leather"? What? Did a magical leprechaun make it for you?

Anthony: (smiles widely) Well, let's see how you two will repair them after we do it.

Tinna: (seductively) Thank God I'm good at sewing.

TheLameGamer: Knit one, pearl two, knit one, pearl two...

(Andy Samberg jizzes in his pants)

(she and Tammy start to get on top of Anthony. Each of the sisters have a chance to give Anthony a deep romantic kiss. They take turns on taking off his clothes. Tinna takes off his shirt, while Tammy takes off his pants. Tinna sets herself on his chest, as Tammy takes his boxers off, releasing his erect cock. Switch to Tinna on top of Anthony's chest.)

TheLameGamer: Why is she on his che...Oh shit! When I said coprophilia earlier, I didn't mean it!

Anthony: (gropes Tinna's left breast) Too bad I can't get your tits out of there.

(then, like a reflex, she grabs the top part of the bodysuit, and rips the covering off, releasing her busty breasts.)

Tinna: (erotically) Problem solved.

TheLameGamer: Y'know, you can't just put "erotically" in brackets and act like that automatically makes whatever your saying sexy. It's not sexy, it's lazy writing.

(Anthony smiles as Tinna lowers her chest downwards, and lets him suck and fondle her breasts. Switch to Tammy, teasing him by swirling her tognue around his erection. Just as she is going to get her mouth on his crotch, Tinna turns her head around and catches her.)

Tinna: (erotic/playfully mean) Tammy! What are you doing?

TheLameGamer: Now your just dumping a whole fuckload of different adjectives in front of a sentence. This is the prime reason why it's a fucking retarded idea to write erotica in script format.

Tammy: (erotically) I was going to give him a blowjob while he's sucking your breasts.

Tinna: (erotically) I know. (turns herself away from Anthony, letting him see a view of her ass and tail.)

TheLameGamer: Let's see, more tail sexualization. I swear, if he ends up fucking a regular non-anthropomorphic animal, then you're all invited to watch me castrate myself live via Skype. Because at that point, I will know that I no longer desire to reproduce, and bring forth children into this foul species.

But you can't have that meat popsicle all by yourself.

TheLameGamer: These euphemisms. THESE FUCKING SHITTY EUPHEMISMS!

(Tammy smiles at her twin sister, and knows that she has a very good point. Tinna lowers her head down, and licks the head of Anthony's penis, and Tammy starts to lick his sac and shaft.

TheLameGamer: Nothing beats sharing a meat Popsicle with family on a warm summer's day. Ha ha, KILL ME!

Switch to Anthony, enjoying the view from Tinna's behind. He puts his hands on her ass and starts to rub and slap it. He then grabs a hold of it, and rips the bottom covering off. He then moves his face up and gives her ass a good waxing.

TheLameGamer: Wait, what? So he ripped her anal pubes out? He just...I can't...

(Rarity frowns with anger)

Reggie Fils-Aime: (at Anthony) What's wrong with you?

8:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Switch to the twins. They are giving Anthony the best oral treatment models like them give. Anthony can no longer stand this erotic torture and starts to shoot his semen into Tinna's mouth. Tammy also gets a taste of his semen as they almost get sprayed.)

Tammy: (licking her lips) Wow! Like, I never knew how tasty he is!

TheLameGamer: More random tense changes. Hooray!

Tinna: (erotically) Now let the real fun begin.

TheLameGamer: Please tell me that means Wii Bowling...

(Tinna crawls over to her sister and helps her get her bodysuit off. Anthony watches as Tinna slowly takes off Tammy's bodysuit. Now he can tell them apart. Now that Tammy is fully naked, she lays back as Tinna gets down and licks her sister's pussy. Seeing this is getting Anthony a huge hard-on.

TheLameGamer: (angrily) That's it folks! Time to pack things up! We have officially crossed the line into incest! This giant gaping asshole of a human being, that puts Goats to shame, just made anyone with siblings cringe. I'd like to remind you that the author of this fanfic considers himself to be "far superior to internet lolcow Chris-Chan", because I can't make that point clear enough!
This unemployed, self-indulgent, sexist, obese hypocrite considers himself to be a productive member of society who is in no way deserving of scorn! There are not enough reaction images and Youtube videos in the world to describe the venom and hatred I feel at this moment.

Knowing that Tinna's costume has been ripped down below, he gets on his knees and gets behind Tinna. He positions his hard cock, and slowly slides it in her pussy. Tinna feels this, but gets back to licking her sister's cunt as Anthony humps her from behind.)


Tammy: (erotic screaming) Oh God! This feels, like, so... good! Oh, Tinna! Oh, Anthony! Oh! Oh! Oh!! (squeezes her breasts together) Oh, dignity! Oh, humanity!

TheLameGamer: Oh, how I wish I could watch something less disturbing like that Spice World movie instead of this tripe!

(Tinna continues to lick her sister's insides, as she is getting humped doggy-style by Anthony. He keeps his pace up so Tinna wouldn't miss a second of Tammy's squeal of joy. Tammy can no longer withstand this pleasure, and she goes into orgasm.

TheLameGamer: And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...

As her cum goes into Tinna's mouth, she also feels an orgasm coming; same with Anthony. Neither both Anthony and Tinna can withhold their pleasure, and they scream in orgasm. Luckily for Anthony, both the twins are on the pill, so his sperm won't make Tinna pregnant.

TheLameGamer:...I fear no evil for thou art with me...

Tammy sits up as Anthony pulls himself out of Tinna's vagina.)

Anthony: (tired) Wow. That was great.

TheLameGamer:...Dust in the wind. All we are is...Oh hey, it's over!

Tinna: (erotically) It gets even greater. (pushes him on the mattress and gets on top of him) Why not have a taste of my pussy, while Tammy gets another taste of you?

Dr. Evil: How 'Bout No!

Tammy: (erotically) Yeah, Anthony. It'll be great when I get it hard again.

Tinna: (erotically) What do you say?

Dr. Evil: Didn't I just say, How 'Bout No?! Don't make me repeat that again!

Anthony: (smiles wide) Sure, why not?

(Tinna then sets her vagina on top of his face, as Tammy gets ready to give him another blowjob. As soon as Tinna sets herself on his face, Anthony starts to eat her out. He goes even farther as Tammy sucks harder on his dick. Tinna moans and squeezes her breasts as Anthony's tougne continues its work. Switch to Tammy, who is sucking on his entire tool.

TheLameGamer: I really don't care which one of these bitches is which, since neither of them is actually a character. There just Sluts 1 & 2, probably subservient to the Cat-in-the-Hat in the alternate universe where he's a pimp.

8:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

She then takes her mouth off, and licks the head to complete its hardness. As soon as it's hard, Tammy sets herself up and places her pussy on Anthony's hardened cock. She rocks herself to get into position, and then rides him. This menage-a-trois is now going to the extreme,

TheLameGamer: Well then, time for some EXTREME music. Take it away boys!

(Pantera starts playing Pre-Hibernation loudly)

with Anthony licking out Tinna, and Tammy riding on Anthony's cock. This lasts for two minutes. Tinna can no longer keep control, and her cum splashes on Anthony, who tries to swallow it up. Then he goes into orgasm, and cums like a geyser inside Tammy, who cums last by splashing her fluids on his cock. Then they all collapse on the now messy mattress, exhausted.)

(Pre-Hibernation finishes)

TheLameGamer: And yet, since I don't care who's who in this scenario. I couldn't tell what was happening in that last section.

Anthony: (tired) Wow. You two girls are great.

Tinna: (tired) Yeah. I'm not sure to compare this to the Yeti.

TheLameGamer: Well the Yeti has corporate sponsorships from Pop-Tarts. Hook up with him, and you're pretty much set for life.

Tammy: (tired) Yeah, he is huge. Just like those boys in high school.

TheLameGamer: Let's get three cheers for Statutory Rape!


(Chris Hansen looks on ominously)


(Chris Hansen continues to look on ominously)


Chris Hansen: Why don't you have a seat over there?

(Anthony smiles, and then reaches towards his jeans, and pulls two envelopes from his pocket. He gives them to Tinna and Tammy.)

Tammy: (confused) What's this?

TheLameGamer: You mean other than awful?

Anthony: (as he puts his clothes back on) It's an invitation.

Tinna: What for?

Anthony: Oh, just a little night out with me and the girls. It's tonight, can last 'til the sun comes up.

TheLameGamer: Not with the rate you're goin' at champ. Seriously, how do you have any protein or water left in your body?

(Tammy thinks about it, and turns to her sister)

Tammy: Do we have any plans tonight?

Tinna: Well, Mom is really sick in the hospital. Something about her shame killing her...

Tinna: (shakes her head) Nope.

Tammy: (turns her head to Anthony, in joy) Of course we'll come.

TheLameGamer: And I'll never come again. Thanks Anthony!

Anthony: I appreaciate that. (starts to walk off) I'll see you later tonights, girls. Don't forget to dress sexy tonight.

Tinna and Tammy: (together) We won't. (waves goodbye as he walks out of the attic.)

(Tinna and Tammy then read their invitations, and they then notice the orgy part.)

Tammy: Why is he having an orgy?

Tinna: That's a really good question considering how he's going to be the only guy there.

Tinna: Well, he is handsome, and he does love women. I guess it's a test for him.

Tammy: On how many women he can have sex with?

TheLameGamer: The correct answer of course, being 0.

(Tinna nods as Tammy blushes at the thought of going to an orgy.)

TheLameGamer: Yes being at an orgy would make you blush, but fucking your sister five minutes ago was perfectly fine.

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(an hour later, Anthony drives up to the next girl's house. As he gets out, he crosses the Bambi Twins off his list as complete. He walks over to the woman's house, and knocks on her door. Seconds later, a beautiful woman opens the door. She has long blonde hair done into a ponytail and a tremendous bust size. She is wearing some red and blue lingerie with yellow stockings. This is Sofia, the Russian beauty of Toshinden fame.)

TheLameGamer: Wow, we're just skipping right to the naughty clothing then, huh? I guess Anthony just wanted to get us to the oh-so-important nightmare sex faster.

Sofia: (coyly) Hello, Anthony.

Anthony: (amazed at what she's wearing) Hi Sofia. Why are you dressed so provacitively?

Sofia: I knew you were coming, so I dressed up in this.

Plinkett: Umm...How do you know that? Did you read the script too?

Anthony: Oh. Very good choice. Can I come in?

Sofia: Oh, da. You are always welcome here. (Anthony walks in and Sofia follows.) (Author's note: Since Sofia is from Russia, she usually speaks in her native tougne. Da means yes, and nyet means no.)

TheLameGamer: Because those are the only Russian words the author had the attention span to look up, before he went back to typing this with his one free hand.

(Anthony sits on her couch, as Sofia stands in front of him.) (coyly) Can you do me a favor?

Anthony: Sure. What is it?

Sofia: Fuck off and die in a pit!

Sofia: Can you give me a good shoudlr massage? I had a hard day at work, and need someone to get the tension out of my system.

Anthony: Alright. I guess I'll help.

TheLameGamer: Unfortunately since Anthony is not a licensed masseuse, he accidentally dislocated her shoulder. In return Sofia dislocated his cock, claiming it to be for great justice.

(with that, Sofia turns around, and sits in front of Anthony, who spreaded his legs to give her room. He then starts to massage her shoulders soft and smoothly. She closes her eyes, and purrs and moans as Anthony gives her the perfect sensual rubdown. As he slides his hands down her back, she decides to stand up, facing away from him. She bends over far, and her booty is now sticking out in front of him)

Long John Silver: Yaaarrgh! Shiver me timbers, that ain't the booty we're lookin fer!

Sofia: (seductive) Can you massage my booty for me, babooshka?

TheLameGamer: Fun fact, babushka means "grandmother". No doubt Anthony though he was clever by including Russian words in his story, however it only proves that he was to lazy to do 10 seconds of research. From now on Anthony is Sofia's grandma, and I will treat this situation accordingly.

(Anthony just nods, and reaches his hands to her ass, and grabs it really hard. He gives it a really hard and sensual massage, and pulls in and licks her ass. This lasts a few minutes.

Sofia: Grandma! When I asked you to toss the salad for Thanksgiving dinner, that's not what I meant!

TheLameGamer: In all seriousness though...

Spike: Bleh!

Afterwards, Sofia gets herself upright, and turns around, facing Anthony.)

Sofia: (erotically) Why don't I give you a massage you'll really love?

Anthony: That's no way to talk to your Grandma, Sophie! I have half a mind to bend you over my knee and spank your bottom!

Anthony: (sensing an erection) Um, okay.

TheLameGamer: I sense an erection in the force...

(Sofia gets on her knees and starts to take off his jeans and boxers. As she takes them off, she is surprised to see how big and hard his cock is. She puts her hand on it, and squeezes it very hard. She can hear Anthony moan from this. Sofia then jerks him off, thus giving him a hand job.

TheLameGamer: Did you just reiterate the same point twice in a row? Genius at work people!

Anthony breathes harder from this treatment. She looks up at his face with a seductive smile on her face.)

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sofia: (erotically) You like this, babooshka?

Anthony: Yes I do! Hold on a minute, I need to take my dentures out.

Anthony: (breathing hard) Yeah...

Sofia: (erotically) Want me to go faster? (rises herself up and sits next to him, still holding his cock in her hand.)

Anthony: (nods) (lowly) Yeah.

Sofia: Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs? Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?

(Sofia does as he wants, and quickens the handjob. With her other hand, she brings his head towards her lips, and gives him a deep romantic kiss. As they kiss, Sofia keeps up the pace with the handjob. Anthony's penis is getting harder with each stroke from Sofia's hand.

TheLameGamer: Because erections work that way.

As they tougne-kiss, Anthony feels that he's going to blow up. Sensing this, Sofia breaks the kiss and gets ready for him to cum. When he cums, he released 13 jets that almost ruined Sofia's lingerie.

TheLameGamer: What's with all these random numbers off semen jets that keep showing up? Is Anthony using a Random Number Generator to do this for him while he types/jerks it.

When he stops, Sofia erotically licks the cum off her hands, and stares into Anthony's eyes.)

Sofia: Mmm! Tastes like shame!

Anthony: (breathing hard) That was... great.

Sofia: (erotically) Yeah? (tugs the straps on her lingerie) A Russian beauty like myself shouldn't shield her breasts for long.

TheLameGamer: Careful. Remember what happened last time?

(shows a film of a Nazi's face melting)

Can you take this off for me?

Anthony: (nodding) Sure.

(with his help, Sofia takes off her lingerie. She is now fully naked except for her yellow stockings.

TheLameGamer: Do you find stockings sexy? Not anymore you won't!

She then sits on Anthony's lap, holding her left breast in her hand.)

Sofia: (erotically) Now that you took that thing off, here is your reward.

Anthony: Just one boob? That's kind of a cop-out.

(with her other hand, Sofia brings Anthony's head towards her left breast, and he immediately, like clockwork, sucks on it. Sofia smiles warmly, as Anthony gives her a good treatment for her breasts. As he sucks on her breasts, Sofia starts to rub her Russian pussy against his penis,

TheLameGamer: My American brain is getting tired of typing commentary for this Internet story.

doing sexual outercourse with him. This lasts for a few minutes until Sofia pulls herself off his mouth.)

Sofia: (erotically) (hands on hips) Is this the first time you ever had sexual outercourse?

TheLameGamer: Odd thing to say during the act. Who even uses the word outercourse aside from people giving abstinence seminars.

Anthony: Yeah. I'm more innie than outie when it comes to sex.

Sofia: (erotically) Oh. (takes his shirt off for him) You know how Russian couples get warm on cold Russian nights?

TheLameGamer: Well gee, does it have something to do with fucking?!

Anthony: (smiles) I believe I do.

Sofia: (erotically) I, on the other hand, can get you warm even if there is no cold in America.

Thomas Smith: And what the fuck does that even mean?

(gives him a little beep on the nose) Do you know what a piledriver is?

Anthony: Of course. It's a wrestling move. Too bad it's banned though.

TheLameGamer: Gee Anthony, for a so-called "playboy" you really need to brush up on your sexual positions. It's not like we're talking about a Rusty Venture here!

8:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sofia: (erotically) I see you know a lot about wrestling. (gets up) However, the piledriver I meant is far more than what you know. (walks over to his right side)

Anthony: Different? How do you- (gets cut off as he feels one of Sofia's legs by his neck. She answers by crawling towards his cock, and puts her knees on his shoulders.)

Sofia: (erotically as she sets herself up) The 69 is one of my favorite positions. I want to try out this little variation, if you don't mind?

TheLameGamer: Actually, I believe this position is called "The Most Embarrassing Way to Become Quadriplegic".

Anthony: Sure.

(Sofia smiles as she marvels his six inches, as Anthony starts to eat her out. She then sticks the entire thing in her mouth, starting off this inverted 69 on her couch. So far Anthony is liking this as much as Sofia. Minutes later, Anthony moves, while holding Sofia, a bit, and rests themselves on the couch,

TheLameGamer: Because that's not dangerous at all while she's sucking your cock upside-down.

still in their position. Seconds later, Anthony takes his mouth off her cunt, and kneels upright, as Sofia gives him oral sex while on her back.

TheLameGamer: Okay, first off, I can't even begin to fathom how these two are positioned (without giving myself a migraine at least). And second, he didn't let her finish? This guy truly is an asshole.

Anthony arches his back as Sofia sucks his meat dry. Minutes later, he shoots many jets of semen into her mouth. Swallowing them while on her back isn't much of a challenge. When he's finished discharging, Sofia gets herself upright.)

Sofia: (erotically) Did my babooshka like it?

Anthony: Don't speak to me like that! I have no granddaughter...

Anthony: Yeah. I never knew you can blow me like that.

Sofia: (erotically) It's all in the throat. (kisses him) Is your little one still hard?

TheLameGamer: The world would be a lot better if it wasn't, but since that's not the case...

Anthony: (checks) Yep. I guess that 69 made it stuck.

Sofia: (erotically) I know a way. (turns about face, and crawls to the couch arm, showing him her curvacous rear. She turns her head back and faces him) I love to see an American male fuck a Russian beauty. So let's do it!

TheLameGamer: Well, if you wanna "see" it you'll need another "Russian beauty". Otherwise you'll just have to settle for the disappointing first-hand experience with this asshole.

Anthony: (smiles) Da! Da indeed!

(he gets behind her, and shoves his 6 inch cock in her pussy. Sofia moans as she grips the couch arm. Anthony then starts to go into her slowly but quickens the pace as Sofia responds by gyrating her hips to bring him deeper.)

TheLameGamer: And instead of hurting his dick, somehow gyrating her helps them fuck. Why bring logic into this now? You would have to be a masochist and completely insane to read this shit in the first place. So I can imagine the target audience like having their cocks bent at unnatural angles during intercourse.

Sofia: (erotic screaming) Oh, Anthony! Oh, Anthony! This feels so good! Oh... don't stop, don't stop! Please don't stop! Uhn! (bites her lips) Ah!

(Anthony responds by going deeper into the Russian beauty's treasure.

TheLameGamer: For fuck's sake, you can't just magically make it go deeper, not when it's only six inches long! Unless Anthony believes he can somehow shove his entire pubic mound into her vagina.

Sofia's breasts sway as she gyrates, which gives Anthony a chance to grope them from behind.)

Sofia: (erotic screaming) Oh, God! Fuck me, my babooshka! Fuck me hard! Ah! (breathes low) Oh, babooshka... (screaming) Babooshka! BABOOSHKA!!! OH!!! (grips the couch arm)

Anthony: Oh Sofia, your grandfather could never love me like you do.

8:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(as Sofia continues calling him by his petname, Anthony can feel his cock twitch in Sofia's pussy. Seconds later, he releases 20 jets of cum into her moistened valley. This causes a sexual pleasure inside Sofia's body.

Hank Hill: God damn! There are porn stars that don't cum this much!

With one last passionate scream of babooshka, she throws her head back, swishes her ponytail, and cums on his shaft. Knowing that Sofia's on the pill, she won't be pregnant. Anthony then slides his cock out of her pussy, and collapse on top of her.)

Sofia: (catches her breath, looks up at him)

TheLameGamer: Wait a fucking minute! Did they just suddenly switch to missionary position. Unless Sofia is part owl, there is no way she could turn her head that much and AGGGGGGGGGH! The fic is infiltrating my mind! I'm thinking about it, and now it won't leave my head!

Thank you, Anthony. My babooshka loves having sex with me, right?

TheLameGamer: Yes. It's why she's not allowed around children.

Anthony: (same) Right. (he reaches to his jeans, and takes out an invitation, and gives it to Sofia.)

Sofia: An invitation? But, your birthday isn't for months.

Anthony: I know. But this is a night out with me and the girls.

TheLameGamer: "Night out" doesn't really describe stinky, sweaty orgy in Anthony's Mom's basement.

Sofia: (sly) Am I one of those girls?

Anthony: Of course, Sofia. (gives her a peck on the cheek) You're always invited.

(Sofia smiles at his kind words.

Sofia: He's treating me like a human sex-toy, truly his kindness knows no bounds.

He then gets his clothes, and puts them on. He then starts to leave.)

Sofia: (dissapointed) Do you have to go now?

Anthony: Well sleazy hoes aren't gonna fuck themselves. Their sisters on the other hand...

Anthony: I know you're dissapointed, but trust me; at the party, you'll have the best time of your life with me all night. (winks)

Sofia: (smiles) Oh. I'll see you tonight, babooshka. (blows him a kiss)

TheLameGamer: And I'll see both of you in my nightmares.

Anthony: Thanks. Don't forget to wear something sexy tonight. (walks out the door, and leaves)

(as he leaves, the still naked Sofia opens the envelope and reads the invitation. As she reads it, she also come across the orgy part. She puts the invitation down, but she doesn't look mad.

TheLameGamer: Of course she isn't mad, for some reason the one male character in this story has all the self-esteem.

She grows a wide smile as she knows that it'll be paradise to be at an orgy. Plus, she knows which costume she'll wear to turn him on. Fade out.)

End Chapter 5
Well folks... I think I'm just gonna go lay down, and not get up. Ever. The fact that this story exists is a testament to the fact that our species has nowhere to go but downward. We had a good run guys: the wheel, democracy, the skyscraper, the moon landing, the computer, but now we must accept the fact that humanity is all downhill from here. If any of you out there have kept up with me to this point, then let me be the first to say I welcome our tyrannical robot overlords with open arms and that no matter how bad things get we will always be able to pinpoint the exact moment our species went wrong.

8:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Goddammit, I've just been trying to buckle down and mock this chapter, but this story is just so damn horrible. I'm not going to lie, after the horror that greeted me in the last chapter, I did a little skimming and found that this next one contains more incest and a slew of original characters. I'm already past the half-way mark, so I can't let the story get to me now.

Chapter 7: Sex-Toy Story
The Worst Piece of Shit Ever

by a Waste of Semen

Rated NC-17

Chapter 6: The Kattz Sisters & Nina Quacketta

TheLameGamer: So many fucking OCs. This chapter is nothing but this douchebag's imaginary girlfriends fucking him. Granted, I should be happy that he won't be putting his rancid cock inside any characters I actually like, but I'm too astounded by the absolute pretension one would have to have to pen this kind of self-indulgent dribble in the first place, publish it online, and think that any sane human being would read it.

Written: 6-24-02 Finished: 6-25-02

(chapter six opens with Anthony driving his car to the girl's house. He had just regained his strength from Sofia earlier.

TheLameGamer: Good fucking shit! How is this asshole still horny? Even in porn, actors don't fuck this many times in one day. Suspension of disbelief, my fucking aching ass! Obviously this cunt-nugget loves to jerk his gherkin, so how can he not see how fucking stupid it seems to have sex this many times in one day? His balls should've shriveled up and fallen off by this point...

Spongebob Squarepants: OVERTIME!!!

TheLameGamer: I...ugh...Just move along. This fic is going to be the end of me.

He then stops at the next house, which is home to the next girl on his list. He steps out of the car, and walks towards the door. He rings the doorbell and a female cat answers. She opens the door, revealing her as a cat with gray fur with stripes and shoulder-length black hair and a red hairband. She is wearing a purple tanktop and jean shorts. She looks at Anthony, and recognizes him enough to enjoy his company.)

TheLameGamer: Well, good to know this girl has the "oh so high" standards of recognizing someone before she'll jump on their dick.

Female Cat: (happy to see him) Anthony! What brings you here?!

Anthony: Hiya Allie. I'm here for a little of this, and a little of that.

TheLameGamer: Those are funny euphemisms for Incest and Mommyfucking...

Allie: (excited) I'm so glad you came here! We need somebody to spend some quality time with me and Tabbie. I'll tell her you're here. Wanna come in?

Anthony: Sure.

(Allie guides Anthony over to the living room, where her sister, Tabbie, is setting the living room for something. Tabbie is a female cat with orange fur with spots and short blonde hair. She also has a red hairband. She is wearing the same outfit Allie's wearing except the tanktop is red.)

TheLameGamer: Not that any of that matters, considering they'll both be nothing but sentient blow-up dolls in a second.

Allie: (approaches her sister) Tabbie. Anthony's here.

Tabbie: Oh good. He's just in time.

Anthony: (confused) For what?

Tabbie: Well, do you like erotic movies?

Anthony: Does the Pope shit in the woods?

Anthony: Are you kidding? Of course I do!

Allie: Good. (holds a tape with the cover entitled "Tempations" and shows it to him) Tabbie and I just got this tape yesterday. Wanna watch with us?

TheLameGamer: “Temptations” sounds like the name of the most PG-13 porno ever. Either that, or this cunt bought a "Temptations" CD, and we'll be forced to watch these three fuck to some beloved 60's music.

8:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: Sure.

(the sisters smile as Anthony sits on the couch. Allie sits next to him, as Tabbie puts the video in, and presses play on the VCR. She joins her sister and Anthony as the video starts.)

Tabbie: (to Anthony) Would you like a drink before the movie starts?

TheLameGamer: If there is a god, then this scene better not lead to watersports...

Anthony: Well, some soda could fill me up.

Allie: I'll go get it for you, Anthony. (kisses him on the cheek and goes off to get the soda)

TheLameGamer: So this scene establishes...that Anthony likes soda?

(Squidward bashes his head on the register while Patrick moans in disgust)

(time lapse to minutes later. Anthony and the Kattz sisters are watching the first sex scene of the movie. Anthony grins as the couple in the video get it on, but the Kattz sisters seem aroused.)

Allie: (rests her head on his shoulder, purrs) Doesn't this make you wanna shag us, Anthony?

TheLameGamer: Apparently Allie is trying to channel Austin Powers here.

Anthony: (nervous) Um... yeah. But I'm feeling a little tired right now.

Tabbie: (dissapointed) Awww. Why not rest on the couch?

Allie: Yeah, we'll continue with the movie later on.

Anthony: Aww...but I was so interested in the nameless couple in the porno.

Anthony: (yawns and streaches) Ok then. (the sisters move off the couch to give his legs room on their couch.)

(As Anthony rests, Tabbie gives her sister a signal to pleasure him. Allie nods as Tabbie goes towards the window and closes the blinds. Allie gets down and starts unbuckling his jeans belt, freeing his erection, which he was trying to hide. Allie moves her black hair out of her way, and starts to give him a blowjob. Anthony stirs and awakes, seeing Allie giving him oral sex.)

Anthony: (startled) Allie? What are you doing?

TheLameGamer: Why is this guy still surprised when the people he's fucking, want to fuck him? It's like some terrible furry-porn version of The Room... Oh hi ConcernedGamer, thanks for pointing that out for me.

Allie: (erotically) (takes her mouth off his cock for a moment) Giving you a BJ. Did you forget? (goes back to sucking his talliwacker as Tabbie appears next to him)

TheLameGamer: Talliwacker? How fucking retarded can your penile euphemisms be? There are literally hundreds of other words you could've used that wouldn't make you sound five years old!

Tabbie: (erotically) Don't worry. (takes his shirt off) Me and Allie will treat you right. (she takes off her tanktop, revealing her breasts. She gets on his chest, and she lowers her breasts down to his face, letting him suck on her suculent nipples. Anthony is enjoying what is his second menage-a-trois of the day. As Allie is sucking his cock, she sees her sister having her breasts sucked and fondled by Anthony, and turns her on completley. She continues sucking on his cock until she decides it's her turn.)

Allie: (erotically dissapointed) Tabbie, you had your tits sucked long enough. Can I have a turn?

TheLameGamer: Why does every stupid whore in this story like being the object of Oedipal affections? Isn't the purpose of a multi-chapter erotic story supposed to be variety? Why does every sex scene feel like a goddamn Groundhog Day loop? Auuuuuuggghhhh...

Homestar Runner: I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

Tabbie: (erotically) (to Allie) When I'm done here, you can have a turn when I'm sucking on his meaty, strong cock.

8:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(Allie nods to her sister, and continues her work. This lasts a few minutes until Anthony can no longer keep his semen inside forever. He grunts as he shoots a jetload of cum into Allie's mouth.

TheLameGamer: How much constitutes a jetload? Knowing this author probably 5000 gallons of bunk, while still being hard enough to fuck 700 more bitches. Ha ha, fuck this stupid asshole!

When he's finished, she takes her mouth off, and taps her sister's shoulder, telling her she's done. Tabbie then gets off, as Anthony sits up on their couch. The Kattz Sisters look on with awe at his amazing size.)

Allie: (erotically) It's your turn, sis.

Tabbie: (erotically) I know. (giggles erotically) I'm going to suck his dick now.

Allie: (erotically) That is a good way to draw this craptacular lemon out for another 5 minutes.

Anthony: (erotically) I enjoy receiving oral sex very much. I'm such a fucking talented writer!

(Allie then takes off her tanktop, revealing her breasts to him. She walks to him as Tabbie gets next to him on the couch. She then gets her knees on the couch, lowers her head down to his six inch shaft, and proceeds to give him head. Anthony moves his head back and moans as Tabbie bobs her head up and down to bring in his six inches. Anthony looks down at Tabbie romantically)

TheLameGamer: For fuck's sake! We are literally, experiencing the same scene from 2 minutes ago! The Groundhog Day loop now contains a Groundhog Day loop!

Anthony: (breathing hard) Ooooooh, God. You girls are experts at this... (Allie then gets behind him, and puts her hands on his shoulders.)

Allie: (erotically) Yes, we are good at this. But I want a reward for giving you that BJ. (holds her breasts against his head) Want a taste?

TheLameGamer: Why would you even want to suck a furry's nipple? You'd just get a bunch of hair in your mouth. It'd probably taste extremely nasty too, considering the excess of sex and lack of bathing that occurs in this fucked-up universe.

(Anthony can only nod, and Allie lets him suck her breasts as Tabbie continues giving him a BJ. Allie soon joins Anthony in a chorus of moans as he continues sucking her breasts.

TheLameGamer: How the hell is he moaning with a mouth full of cat-tit? I can only assume that her nipple doubles as a microphone of some sort.

Tabbie looks up from her oral sex to see her sister pleasuring Anthony, and decides to go faster. This combined mix of pleasure from the Kattz' is all he can stand, and shoots out 12 jets of cum into Tabbie's mouth. Tabbie does her best to keep them in, but most of it trailed down to her breasts. Tabbie takes her mouth of his cock, and stands up in front of Anthony. Allie then joins her.)

Tabbie: (erotically) I take it that he really enjoyed it.

Allie: (erotically) I know. (glances towards her sister's breasts) I see Anthony made a mess on your breasts.

TheLameGamer: And I see that you just made a redundant statement. Since there's already a play-by-play, why have the characters announce shit that the viewer already knows? Oh right, because that last line was supposed to be sexy. Well penis, what do you think?

TheLameGamer's Penis:...

TheLameGamer: I rest my case.

Tabbie: (looks down) (erotically) So he has. Now what?

Allie: (erotically) Oh, I think I know a way.

(she puts her head on Tabbie's breasts, and proceeds to lick them clean. Anthony justs sits on the couch, watching as the Kattz sisters proceed to lick, kiss, and fondle each other. He blushes at this sight, as this is turning him on.

TheLameGamer: I'm torn, is someone who fantasizes about incest a terrible person OR are they a fucking irredeemable person?

8:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In fact, he's so turned on, that he reaches down to his cock, and jacks off to regain its girth and length. Allie and Tabbie stop and look back at him. He stops and looks at them.)

Allie: (erotically) I guess Anthony doesn't want to wait for us.

TheLameGamer: He doesn't want to wait for refractory periods either, as long as we're stating the blatantly obvious here.

Tabbie: (erotically) Good call, sis. (takes off her jean shorts) I guess we can't have all the fun. Besides, his cock's hard enough to fuck us both.

Allie: (erotically) So, you want to shag us, Anthony?

Anthony: (catches his breath) Yeah. I love to.

Charles “Trout” Walker: Well, that's too damn bad!

Allie: (erotically smiles) Good. (takes off her jean shorts) You need some release from us.

(Anthony nods and he gets off the couch as The Kattz Sisters get on the couch. Tabbie lays down and spreads her legs, as Allie sets herself on her knees and brings her down to her lap and starts to eat her sister out. While they're having vaginal sex with each other,

TheLameGamer: Yet another misappropriation of the term "vaginal sex", and this time it's kicking off a nasty incest romp. Goody good, two for one!

Anthony goes to his discarded jeans and takes out a condom, and puts it on. He then gets behind Allie on the couch and sticks his hard prick in Allie's backside. Allie moans as she takes his length in.)

Anthony: Don't worry, it takes a while to adjust. Continue.

TheLameGamer: So considerate of his partner.

(Henry bursts into uncontrollable amounts of laughter)

Tabbie: (erotically) Yeah, Allie. Take it in and let's continue.

(Allie nods to her sister, and goes back to work licking her pussy. Looking on, Anthony shoves his length inside Allie and starts to hump her brains out. Camera switches to show Tabbie smiling, as the camera pans towards the right, as Allie is eating her out, and stops at Anthony continuing to fuck Allie from behind. He wipes some sweat off his forehead as he continues his work on Allie. Tabbie releases some pleasured moans from the combination of Allie and Anthony bringing their sexual prowess into her. This lasts until Tabbie pulls her little sister off her cunt.)

Tabbie: (erotically) (catches her breath) That felt good, but it's my turn to have it from the backside.

TheLameGamer: And there ain't no better lube then your sister's spit and mucus!

(Anthony shrugs as he pulls out of Allie's love tunnel, and reaches for another condom. But as he does that, Tabbie grabs his arm.)

Tabbie: (erotically) Don't worry, Anthony honey. I'm still on the pill. Just throw that away, and come here while I pleasure Allie as she pleasures me.

Anthony: Only one of you is receiving in this scenario. Your tongue isn't an erogenous zone!!!

(Tabbie and Allie looks at Anthony with a look of concern)

Anthony: Sorry, I'm talking too hard. I think my incisors just came.

(Anthony nods and goes to dispose the condom. As he does so, Tabbie gets on top of Allie, and starts to lick her pussy. Allie does the same as they start off their little 69. Anthony comes back, but checks if they're tight enough for him to go into Tabbie. He then gets behind Tabbie and starts to fuck her.)

TheLameGamer: Wait! They're 69'ing and vaginal fucking at the same time? Well, it's a dream come true, if that dream involves having your teeth punched out by some guys dick.

8:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(this goes double the pleasure for Allie, for not only she gets to lick her sister's pussy, but Anthony's cock going through Tabbie as well. Tabbie continues to lick Allie's suculent pussy as Anthony probes her from behind. Anthony then drapes himself on Tabbie and licks her face. Tabbie takes her mouth off Allie's cunt, and joins his tougne and kiss eachother. Tabbie also uses her tail to penetrate Allie.

Fluttershy: (confused) What the shit is going on in this fuckpile? I can't even tell any more! It's like some sort of Human Jizzipede!

All three moan together as they put themselves into deep ecstasy. This all Anthony could stand, and he couldn't wait to blow. He pushes himself into Tabbie a few more times, and releases his milky white love inside her body. Tabbie also goes into orgasm, as does Allie. After all three have come into orgasm, they collapse on each other, tired and catching their breath.)

Allie: (catching her breath) That was great!

TheLameGamer: Hardly what I'd call that Eldrich Fuck-bomination!

Tabbie: (same) Yeah! No one can give us that much pleasure as much as you.

(Anthony smiles, as he closes his eyes. The Kattz sisters also close their eyes, and take a little cat nap.

TheLameGamer: Making shitty puns. 50 points from [Gryffindor]

Cut to outside, minutes later. Anthony is fully clothed, and taking in the afternoon air. The Kattz Sisters, Allie and Tabbie, also come out with him, also fully clothed.)

Tabbie: Thanks for spending some time "relaxing" with us.

Allie: And thanks for the invitations. (holds them up)

Anthony: You're welcome. But are you two sure you're not mad that it's an orgy?

TheLameGamer: Dude, they fucked their own family. Fucking strangers should be no big deal...

Allie: No, no. We don't mind at all.

Tabbie: Yeah, we know you're doin' it for kicks.

TheLameGamer: Kicks = Semen stains in a crusty, old sock.

Anthony: (smiles) Well it's nice for the two of you to understand. (gives them a peck on the cheek respectively) Don't forget to wear something sexy tonight.

Tabbie & Allie: (unison) We won't! (each blows a kiss to him as he into his car. He then drives off, with them waving goodbye.)

(switch to an hour later. This time, the scene's at another girl's backyard. The girl is a female duck with blonde hair wearing a Stars and Stripes bikini and is relaxing in her pool. She then hears Anthony's car coming to her driveway, but goes back into her relaxation. This is Nina Quacketta, female officer of the NYPD. She is usually called Quacketta from time-to-time.

Nina Quacketta: I'm not Daisy!

(picture of Daisy Duck)

Quacketta: I'm my original character, Blaisy!

She then hears Anthony come in through the yard door.)

Anthony: Hiya Quacketta.

Quacketta: (looks up and sees Anthony by her pool) Oh, hiya Anthony.

Anthony: (confused) Why are you swimming in the middle of January?

TheLameGamer: Pool fetish?

{Author's Note: "World's Luckiest Guy" takes place around mid-January 2002. Not by the month the chapters were written.}

TheLameGamer: What a relief. I was so worried he was inviting them to an orgy that wouldn't take place for a year and a half.

Quacketta: Oh, usually us ducks fly south for the winter, but I'm the type that doesn't mind as long as my feathers keep me warm.

TheLameGamer: Given this knowledge, I can assume that Nina isn't even anthro. Anthony is about to fuck waterfowl...

8:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: And the pool?

Quacketta: It's my day-off. Since September 11th, police work around Manhattan has been hectic lately. So I asked my superior for a day off, and I got it.

TheLameGamer: If this story isn't sexy, what makes you think it'll be patriotic. The only flag rising was in the author's pants.

Anthony: Guess that eliminates my question about your bikini.

Quacketta: Just showing off my patriotism. Wanna come in the pool?

Anthony: Let's hope you've got some gooooood chlorine.

Anthony: (puts his left hand behind his head) Well, you can thank me for being prepared. Just wait right there, 'k?

(he goes into his car and gets his things. He then comes back wearing green swim shorts and holds his clothes)

TheLameGamer: Yet you were so perplexed about her swimming in January just a minute ago. I think the biggest thing being fucked in this story is basic logic.

Anthony: I'm ready. Where do you want me to put my clothes?

Quacketta: Oh, just put them over there, and come in.

(Anthony nods and gets himself into the pool, setting himself next to Quacketta. Anthony feels relaxed as he cools himself down.)

TheLameGamer:...and promptly gets frostbite on his cock. Swimming during a New York winter, a fucking brilliant idea!

Anthony: (enjoys the pool's soft water) Aaaah. Now this is what I need.

Quacketta: (sounding coyly) You said it. (unbeknowing to him, Quacketta reaches down in the water, and goes straight towards his crotch. She feels that he had a hard-on before he came in. She decides to stroke his member. Switch to Anthony, feeling this and leans his head back.)

Anthony: Is it me, or are you making the pool hotter?

Quacketta: Sorry, I have a spastic bladder...

Quacketta: (erotically) The pool's getting hotter, but (gets on top of him) the controls are manual, if you know what I mean?

(Anthony smiles as he knows what Quacketta meant. They then give each other a deep, romantic kiss in her pool. As they're kissing, Anthony sits himself up the ground near the pool, and breaks the kiss. She eyes his erection and decides to take off his wet swim shorts. She takes them off, freeing his erection. Quacketta is amazed at his length staring right at her.)

Quacketta: AAAAAAAAAAUGH! Why does your dick have eyes?!

Quacketta: (erotically) My, my, your cock is big.

Anthony: Not as a horse, but it'll do.

Big McIntosh: Nope. nope. nope. nope.

Quacketta: (erotically) Mind if I can stick this in my bill and please you?

Anthony: (nods) Sure.

TheLameGamer: Bill?! Yep. He's fuckin' a duck.

JonTron: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! (bolt of energy comes out of his mouth) arrrrrroooooohhhhhh!!!!!!

(Quacketta lowers her head down, and starts giving Anthony a BJ. He can tell that Quacketta's good at this, since she once had a boyfriend that was also a cop, until he got killed in the line of duty. That and the prostitute division.

TheLameGamer: What the fuck? Why would you even bring something like that up in a porno for crying out loud! Oh wait, Shadman exists these kind of things is pretty normal on the wonderful world of the internet...

But whatever the case, Anthony is enjoying this oral pleasure from one of NYPD's best.)

Anthony: (enjoying this) Oh, Nina... oh fuck. (leans his head back and arches back as Quacketta continues the BJ. Anthony also helps her by holding her head down so she wouldn't get away. This is all he could stand, and he shoots his cum inside her mouth. Quacketta does a very good job at swallowing his semen. She then takes her mouth off and licks her fingers contently.)

Quacketta: Mmm-mmm-mmm! KFC. Kentucky Fried Cum. (erotically) Now that was relaxing. But Anthony, I'm thinking of continuing this inside... on my bed.

8:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anthony: (grabs a nearby towel) Why?

Quacketta: (erotically) Because, I don't want to get us arrested for indecent exposure. (Anthony then uses the towel to dry herself, paying close attention to her breasts)

TheLameGamer: What breasts? She's a goddamn duck! You've already established that she flies south for the winter and has a bill. There's a line between anthro and animal, and you can't seem to decide which side you want to be on. And that, quite frankly, makes me uncomfortable.

Anthony: But, you're a cop.

Quacketta: (erotically) Exactly. Wouldn't that be a career killer, would it?

(Anthony thinks about it,

(Final Jeopardy music plays)

and nods in agreement. He then sweeps her off her feet, and walks towards the house. Not before Quacketta picks up his clothes for him. Cut to her bedroom, where Anthony and Quacketta are just entering. Anthony sets her down on her bed, and puts his clothes in a nearby place.)

Anthony: (amazed at the room's exterior) Wow. Your boyfriend sure had some good taste. Sorry about the loss, by the way.

TheLameGamer: What a touching thing to say to the bird you're about to stick your dick in.

Quacketta: (erotically) (stands up) I accept your sympathy. Besides, he was my first love since high school. But (pushes him down towards the bed) you're everything he is; except you have a bushy tail.

TheLameGamer:...and this story is now offensive to anyone who's lost a loved one. If we can get some casual racism and homophobia, we can run the full gambit of shitheadedness.

Anthony: I know. Now what?

Quacketta: (erotically) (gets on top of him) Well, other than being a smart blonde, I do have my assets. Namely, my breasts.

Anthony: (smiles) I know. You have a very nice rack.

TheLameGamer: Which is odd. Considering she's a duck.

Quacketta: (takes her breasts out of her bikini top) Thank you. Now would you like to have a taste of my beautiful bosom?

Anthony: Sure.

(Quacketta holds her right breast, and holds his head with the other, as she pushes herself against his head, as he sucks her breasts. Quacketta smiles as Anthony gives her this suculent treatment. She moans as he continues on her left breast. She then eyes the bed's headboard, and gets an idea. She moves herself up, still on top of him, and pushes his head off her breast.)

Quacketta: (erotically) That's enough for now. I got an idea. I'm going to steal the Declaration of Independence.

(Nicholas Cage grins largely)

Anthony: You have?

Quacketta: (erotically) (takes off the rest of her bikini and exposes her "downstairs") Sure. You're gonna eat me out, while I sit on your face.

Anthony: (eyes widen) Seriously?! That's so sweet!

TheLameGamer: A different sex act? So unheard of!

Quacketta: (erotically) It sure is. (gives him a peck on the cheek, and proceeds to get on top of his face)

Anthony: Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Quacketta: (erotically) (as she sets herself up) Of course I do. Now just relax as I give you a good facial.

(J. Jonah Jameson laughs hysterically)

TheLameGamer: As if the gross misunderstandings of sex couldn't get funnier. The fact that he just mistook bukkake for female oral sex has just made my day.

(smiles and she holds on to the headboard. She then starts to rock herself as Anthony begins to eat her pussy out.)

(Anthony drives his tougne deeper when Quacketta gyrates her hips as she face fucks him. Switch to Quacketta, holding on to the headboard like it's for dear life as she moans from Anthony's treatment.)

Quacketta: (erotic screaming) Oh, Anthony! Oh, sweet Jesus! Unh! This feels so fucking good... oh! Ah! (bites her lip and breathes hard again) Oh, yes! (lower) Lick deeper... lick deeper! Wait! Gene Simmons?! What are you doing down there?

8:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(Anthony does as she pleased. Minutes later, Quacketta doesn't take anymore as she squeezes Anthony's head with her leg muscles. She releases a lust-filled quack as she cums all over Anthony's mouth.

TheLameGamer: "lust-filled quack"

When she's finished, Quacketta gets herself off Anthony's face, and looks at him with blush on her cheeks as he starts to sit himself up.)

Anthony: That was a good feeling to have.

TheLameGamer: How do I type English?

Quacketta: (catches her breath) I know. (goes back to erotic) But I want you to one more thing for me.

Anthony: (smiles) What's that?

TheLameGamer: Is it...fuck this. We all know what it is.

Quacketta: (turns herself around, and gets on all fours) (erotically) I want you to fuck me... right here, right now!

Anthony: (smiles wider) That's the words I want to hear!

(Anthony gets into all fours, and crawls towards Quacketta from behind.

TheLameGamer: Crawling? Is he gonna jam his head up her ass or something?

Thankfully his cock his still hardened from the sight of Quacketta. He sticks his hard dick in, and shoves it right inside her backside. Quacketta moans and grips the sheets as she takes in his large length.)

Quacketta: (breathing hard) God, you're so big. It's a good thing I'm on the pill.

TheLameGamer: Because if he had a small dick, there'd be absolutely no chance of pregnancy. Hello, Biology called, it wants your report card back.

Anthony: And I'm glad you did.

(he then starts to hump her from behind. He starts slow, but quickens his pace as Quacketta pleads with him through moans and sighs. Quacketta is loving this as Anthony continues to hump her pussy from behind.)

Quacketta: (erotic screaming) Oh my GOD! OH! AH! UNGH! Oh, this feels so good! Oh, you're so good... so good... oh!

TheLameGamer: Huh...I get the feeling that this was "good" somehow. But maybe that's just my way of interpreting this masterpiece.

More! Give me more!

(Anthony smiles as he continues the treatment. He then leans over and licks her face tenderly and good.)

Quacketta: (erotic screaming) OH GOD! OH, OH, OH!!!! Oh, you're so BIG! So... big! AH! AH! AH! Put in more! PUT IN MORE!!!

TheLameGamer: Unless this guy has multiple penises, I don't think he can "put in more". Unless we've gone back to caveman speak. In which case, the author is no doubt typing with one hand.

8:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(Anthony does as she wishes, and shoves more of his length inside her pussy. He then feels a tension in his penis as Quacketta's walls are grabbing his member tighter. With a few more pushes, he grunts and shoots his load all over Quacketta's insides. Quacketta soon feels her sexual excitement mount, and she then goes into orgasm, splashing her cum against his shaft. They then stop, and Anthony pulls himself out of her backside. They then collapse together, drenched with sweat.)

Anthony: (catches his breath) Wow, Quacketta. I never knew ducklettes like you can have this sexual excitement when male ducks don't even have a penis.

Quacketta: (catches her breath) Actually, they do. Most male animals have a pouch to secure them in. Bird species are most likely to have this.

TheLameGamer: The more you know. But seriously, is she anthro or a regular fucking duck?

(Anthony soon realizes this, and kisses her on the cheek again. He then gets his clothes from the dresser, and starts to get dressed. Before he does, he pulls out Quacketta's invitation from his jeans pocket, and gives it to Quacketta.)

Quacketta: Is this an invitation?

Anthony: It's more of a summons to a depraved nightmare, but I guess you were close.

Anthony: (as he puts his jeans on) Yep. It's a night with me and the girls.

Quacketta: When is it?

Anthony: Tonight.

(Scary deer looks inside through window)

Deer: Tonight...You!

Quacketta: (thinks about it) You're not bringing prostitutes in your home to do drugs, are you?

TheLameGamer: I'd say it's far more foul than that...

Anthony: No. I never have that much sense to do drugs. You know that. Drugs are bad officer! I prefer swapping STDs like goddamn Pokemon cards.

Quacketta: Right. I'm just being precautious.

Anthony: (as he gets his shirt on) Good. (gives her one more kiss on the cheek) I'll see you at the party tonight. Don't forget to wear something sexy for the fun. (walks out of the room) Bye.

Quacketta: (waves) Bye. (she goes to open the envelope and reads the invitation. When she gets to the part about the orgy, she smiles) Oh? I guess I'm not the only one that's going to this orgy.

TheLameGamer: Hence, why it's an orgy.

(giggles as she throws the letter away, and the screen fades out)

End of Chapter 6
...I fucking hate this story.

8:35 AM  

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